It’s Success Story time! Meet Anne Brennan Belden. She is a life coach and writes at Sea Changes Life Coaching. She struggled with infertility more than 20 years ago at the forefront of ART. This incredible story takes on a different format than an interview. Enjoy! 
In 1985 I was 29 , had been married just one year and fully confident that 2 jobs + settling home – birth control would = baby in no time.
Our family building journey lasted 10 years. Our son was finally born 4 years after we began, and we adopted our daughter in 1995 from China. My kids are now 21 and 15 and I have loved every day , (though not every moment !!) of my role as a parent, just as I imagined I would.
Back then, the top infertility MD had a rule that he wouldn’t even set up an appt until the couple had been “trying” 12 months. By then I was 30, and next course of treatment was taking my temp for another 6 months, charting ovulation and being sure we had our timing right. Things moved much slower back then which was very difficult. Fast forward through a hysterosalpingogram (normal) , sperm analysis (normal), endometrial biopsy (normal) and exploratory laproscopy, to finally get a diagnosis of minor endometriosis – nothing that should have prevented pregnancy. By now it was 2 1/2 years since we had begun our quest. At the time Clomid was in, but our MD knew we were becoming anxious and so we began Pergonal - an injectable in the Menotropin family, used to stimulate hormones to produce multiple follicles. At the time, Pergonal was considered the “big guns.” Three emotional cycles of Pergonal and I was finally pregnant – 3 years and 3 months after we began. Nine months later with supportive hormones along the way, we had our healthy baby.
What got me through those 3 plus years was reaching out to my friends constantly; telling them about what was happening and pulling them into my circle with my very supportive husband. Things like meditation, acupuncture, yoga were not on my radar and never mentioned by my MD. The other thing that was of huge support was RESOLVE. I got very involved on our local board, went to support groups. I helped to organize a conference and found much solace in being with other women desperately trying to conceive.
When my son was a year we began trying to conceive again. Our MD thought this would be easier, we would go right to Pergonal and since I had had a successful birth, he felt that was a very good omen. Five years later, 5 Pergonal cycles, a 12 week miscarriage, another 9 Pergonal cycles including frequent hyperstimulated ovaries, then onto 2 GIfT cycles and finally 3 IVF cycles and I came up against my physical and emotional limits. Looking back, I am amazed at my fortitude. My son was a huge joy to me and just looking at him gave me hope. Hoping and Believing were my closest and most trusted allies, besides my husband. I had always envisioned at least 2 kids, if not 3 or 4, and I never let go of believing that I would have those 2 kids, somehow. I also began practicing visualizations once I began IVF to imagine the strong hormones as my friend, not foe. I needed to do that because I was beginning to get worried about the long term drug effects. My friends, though all pregnant several times over by now, continued to be my lifeline. I let them know what was hard , where I needed their support and even had my medical friends give me injections when my husband wasn’t home. I let them also know when their fertility was hard for me. I spoke out, I asked for what I needed. After my miscarriage I also decided to do something bigger than me. I lived in a small community with few resources for families and so I put all my external energy into starting an organization for families – a toy library. I knew I had to get ” out of myself” and turn my focus outward. My miscarriage at 12 weeks was devastating after so many Pergonal cycles and depression perched like a bird on a brittle branch. I was determined not to let that branch break . I knew the key was for me to control my fertility, not for my INfertility to control me. I had to beef up my sense of being in charge of my life and building this organization gave me something larger than myself.
Just a month after our final failed IVF, the three of us went to a Chinese New Year celebration , and fell in love with all 40 beautiful little adopted Chinese girls. That was February 1995. I pulled our documents together and seven months later we travelled to China to adopt Lydia Nanfeng, our 6 month old ” buddha baby.” I was in love with her the moment I saw her postage stamp size photo in our faxed assignment letter.
The rest of my story is one of any family….. filled with joys, challenges, stresses and an overall sense of gratitude It is not the family I first envisoned 25 years ago, AND it is a family I adore and for which I am completely grateful.
As a Coach working with women experiencing fertility challenges and trying to adopt, I draw on my own history, but it is far enough in the past that my own emotional work was done long ago. I focus on mindfulness, finding joy, mining values and understanding the importance of making decisions based on our own, not others, and a lot of body work – listening to the knowing of our bodies as our most trusted guide. Our lives are often not what we imagine them to be in the beginning, but we can create something brilliant and even more wonderful!
Anne Brennan Belden
Thanks so much for sharing Anne!
1. How long did you struggle through infertility?
