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Don’t Ignore Infertility in the Media!

Apr 23rd, 2012
by Krissi.
6 comments

If you watch a lot of movies and TV like I do, you’ve probably realized how little infertility is represented. It’s basically ignored by most mainstream movies and television programs. And, if it is presented, it’s usually glossed over, or portrayed in a stereotypical, comical, or satirical way. Let’s analyze a few movies shall we?

Juno was a movie that was quite funny and quirky. It gave a glimpse of what infertility was like through Jennifer Garner’s character. My heart ached when she looked at Ellen Page longingly and wanted to touch her pregnant belly to feel the baby move (something she knew she’d never be able to experience). However, infertility was not the main theme of the movie. Likewise, in Facing the Giants, infertility was presented but the plot was based around the football team. And do we even have to talk about Baby Mama? Although a painful reality that Tina Fey’s character faced, the entire surrogacy was a comical fluke. And, stereotypically at the end, Tina Fey gets pregnant anyway on her own.

In T.V., some shows are airing infertility story-lines like Desperate Housewives, Brothers and Sisters, and Private Practice (surprisingly all ABC shows). But even on these shows, there’s a lot of unnecessary drama and still some stereotypes that need to change or the general public will continue to believe in these myths. (Check out the post I wrote here about the show Brothers and Sisters last year.)

Well, it got me thinking about how the 7.3 million people in this country (who are suffering to have a baby every day) deserve a story presented in the media they can relate to,  a story that reveals the truths and triumphs of infertility with real, raw emotion. So, that is exactly why I took the opportunity to pitch my memoir to Hollywood executives last month in Las Vegas. (*Read more about the day and what I said in my pitch here.)

Upon practicing my pitch to other hopeful authors, I got the positive feedback that it sounds like a great idea and would be well suited for a television movie on Lifetime, The Hallmark Channel or Oprah’s Own Network. Most executives agreed. After looking at the score sheets from the day, I found that most also checked off that my pitch was effective and marketable. But sadly, they all checked that the book/idea wasn’t right for their company at this time.

The trip wasn’t a total loss. It was an amazing experience to be a part of a dream that was shared with 150 other authors. And since I believe my story is bigger than me, and can really help others, I  was grateful for the opportunity to share that. I am adding a picture here of the best score sheet I received. This executive actually thought it could be a feature film and could work with the right people involved! So, if you or someone you know are “the right people” and you’re interested in my memoir, please contact me! ;-)

There are some positive things happening on TV that have impressed me when it comes to infertility. The Pampers commercial “For Every Little Miracle” (that I blogged about here) gets a two thumbs up from me. There definitely needs to be more ads out there like this one. Also reality shows like Giuliana and Bill have let us in to some private moments this couple shared through their struggle and I think that’s certainly a step in the right direction when it comes to infertility in the media. By the way, in case you haven’t heard, they are now pregnant (through a gestational carrier). (Check out their story on the Today show!) Congratulations to them!

In the end, I’m looking forward to the day when infertility becomes as mainstream in the media as other diseases like breast cancer and heart disease. With proper coverage and a deep look at real stories, a support system can form, an understanding can be reached, and a stigma can be minimized. Infertility must stop being ignored!

  • http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
  • http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)
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    Going Green with Infertility!

    Apr 22nd, 2012
    by Krissi.
    1 comment

    Don’t ignore infertility!

    It’s ICLW, the beginning of NIAW and Earth Day all rolled into one!

    So, I was thinking about Earth Day.  And when we think of helping the earth and “going green” the images that are conjured are a very green earth; a fertile, lush earth that is growing, blooming, surviving, and thriving. And, it got me thinking about infertility and how this disease is the exact opposite of all of these things. But, perhaps we can spin this around and have a Go Green campaign infertility style. This post is in honor of NIAW to stop ignoring infertility!

    *Recycle:  When it comes to infertility treatments, if we have to endure cycle after cycle, we may feel like we are always re-cycling but never really getting anywhere. But, if we re-cycle and learn something new (like what drugs could work better, what conflicts to avoid, how to ease the stress a bit more like trying acupuncture) than we can become stronger. If you know someone who is re-cycling to have a baby, you can also learn ways to help them. Wait for them to call when they want to discuss the details; it’s important not to pry. Send flowers to let them know you’re thinking of them. You can also take them out for a day of shopping, beauty, a movie, or just chatting at a local eatery. All of these things will show you’re there for them.

    *If you are an infertile blogger, recycle old posts to share insights with others. They will perhaps always be relevant to a holiday, event, month, week, or day. And, especially when we can share these insights with others who don’t know what it’s like (like through the Analogy Project), then infertility can be more understood. (*Read my analogies here and here.)

    *We can recycle ways to support others by reading a true story about infertility and using it to build a recognition for all who suffer. (Check out my new memoir here!)

    *Find articles, quotes, coupons that may have been for one purpose, and recycle these by passing them along to brighten someone else’s day. It can be a recycling of thoughts & good gestures. This will certainly continue to spawn better relationships and new friendships.

     

    *Reduce: You can stop ignoring infertility by reducing the amount of stress your infertile friends and family members may have. One way is to reduce the amount of unwanted, unsolicited advice. Avoid sharing what you’re sister’s co-worker’s friend’s daughter went through to have their baby. It just may not work for us. Don’t ask us what we’ve tried. Chances are, we have tried it, researched it, or at least thought about it. Ask questions when you don’t understand, support us by letting us cry and vent, and don’t get offensive/defensive if we are super emotional about babies, pregnancies, or family gatherings.

     

    *Reuse: If you’ve ever gone through something difficult, life changing, or upsetting, then I’m sure some people in your life  stepped up and went above and beyond to show you they care. Well, now you can pay it forward and be there for someone going through infertility. Awesome sentiments of encouragement and support can totally be reused in this instance and it will go a long, long way.

    *But please don’t reuse old sayings that you may have heard before. Back in the day, before infertility treatments were ever introduced into science, the old adage was to “just relax.” And then, maybe a few people became pregnant so people believed this actually worked. But in reality, this minimizes the real problem of our infertility that relaxing just won’t solve. When we pass on the advice given to us from generations before, it will likely fall on deaf ears.

    ~~~~~

    Let’s try to recycle, reduce and reuse when it comes to infertility so it can stop being ignored! Maybe then we can become more “green;” more fertile. We can grow, bloom, and ultimately thrive and survive.

    Happy Earth Day!

  • http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
  • http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

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    Having infertility is like being thirsty in the desert…

    Apr 10th, 2012
    by Krissi.
    6 comments

    So, after finding out about The Analogy Project from Mel at Stirrup Queens, I asked my husband if he could give an analogy to what infertility is like, what would it be? Within minutes, he recollected a scene from the movie Three Amigos!

    In this scene, Martin Short, Steve Martin, and Chevy Chase are riding horses in the very hot, dry desert. When they stop for drinks, Steve Martin’s canteen is empty. I’ll step in here and say this is like what all the women feel who’s arms are empty and we are so desperately looking for a baby to fill them. It’s a thirst we can’t seem to quench when we are infertile.

    When Martin Short lifts his canteen, there’s nothing but sand getting dumped into his mouth.  This to me represents everything that’s wrong with infertility. No matter how much we may want a baby and need it right at that moment, the wrong things happen; it’s the wrong timing, the wrong procedure, the wrong results.  It feels like we are drowning in a sea of emotions and yet can’t reach the shore. We may even see a mirage and get fooled into happiness for a short while, but we could still be drowning in that sand before we get the water we need and desire.

    My husband simply describes Steve Martin and Martin Short as “us”. Now, Chevy Chase on the other hand is “everyone else.” When Chevy Chase lifts his canteen, it’s filled with water and he drinks a huge amount of it. When you are fertile, there seems to be an abundance of babies, pregnancies, sperm, eggs, and it’s all in the right place, at the right time, and it’s satisfying and bountiful just as the water is to Chevy in that moment on the desert. But my husband says, the clincher is when he throws the canteen on the ground and more water pours out. He’s so cavalier about it, and doesn’t even realize that the other two are thirsty or need water at all. Chevy really does take that water for granted, just as the ease of fertility is taken for granted for so many. Then, as he puts on lip balm, further satisfying his needs, it suddenly dawns on him to share. I think that many fertiles around the world are like this. They are oblivious to the pain and emotional needs of an infertile friend or family member. They satisfy their own family needs and may do/say things right in front of an infertile that are spiteful, insensitive, or downright mean (even without meaning to be). Maybe after their babies are born, or in some cases even before, they see us look longingly at their babies and pregnant bellies as Steve Martin and Martin Short did in this scene looking for the water, then these fertiles may suddenly feel a bit of sympathy and a willingness to be there.

    But I think the truth of the matter is, it is our fate. There will always be an abundance of water for some on the desert as there will always be an abundance of babies. But sadly, the opposite is also true. We may get empty canteens or sand filled ones before we ever see one spilling over with the water we crave. And some of us will never get our own water filled canteens, we may have to take some from another or watch it slip away on the desert floor. Having infertility is like needing something so badly that you feel like you would die without it, just like being thirsty in the desert. But, I do hope we all find our water in one way or another.

    Here’s the video of the scene:

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    2 Year Blogaversary!

    Dec 21st, 2011
    by Krissi.
    4 comments

      Hello everone! I am so excited today because it is my 2 year blogaversary! That’s right, I’ve been writing here at Stress Free Infertility for 2 years now. So much has happened in the last 2 years, I wanted to share a bit with you.

      In my life, my first IVF miracle is now 4 1/2 years old! She is so amazing and bright. I especially love how she hugs and kisses me daily and says how much she loves me! So precious. And my FET miracle twins, Mia and Logan are now 2 years old. When I first started writing this blog, they were only a couple months and boy were things a little hectic. Times are still a bit harried but there’s so much more activity from everyone around! They both just started saying “love you!” and it melts my heart each time! And in the last 2 years, I reached a personal goal of finishing my memoir that chronicles my journey through primary and secondary infertility! It is now in the final stages of being self published and I am so thrilled!

      In the last 2 years on the Internet, I have met so many courageous men and women pouring out their hearts and persevering through the trials of infertility. I am honored to be apart of such a tenacious group whom are so supportive. I have also met so many professionals and groups whom help out this IF community. If this is your first time here through ICLW, check out my amazing list of blogs that has grown considerably in the last 2 years. I now have 246+ infertility blogs listed and 39 infertility resources/websites. But what is pretty amazing is the 152 infertility blogs that have been successful through IF. (Most of them at one time were once on my other list.) That in itself should give you some hope. If you’re not on any of my lists, let me know, and I will of course add you on! ;-)

    Happy ICLW! And a very Happy Holiday to all!

    Psst..check out my giveaway from InJewels if you haven’t yet entered! They are letting you choose your favorite piece!

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    10 Ways to Enjoy the Holidays

    Dec 15th, 2011
    by Krissi.
    No comments yet

     

    I’m recycling my list of ways to enjoy the holidays yet again this year. I know many of you come and go and perhaps my newest followers missed these. Believe it or not, these were my very first posts in 2009! ;-)

    #10: Rule out the perfect gift

    #9: Volunteer at a Soup Kitchen

    #8 Bake Cookies (while listening to holiday music) <–includes a family recipe!

    #7: Watch a holiday classic

    #6: Take Pictures

    #5: Make a scrapbook or slideshow <–Check out my new business ready to launch soon! ;-)

    #4: Go to a show!

    #3: Plan a weekend getaway

    #2: Make a list of resolutions

    #1: Make it magical

    Enjoy!

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    Test Tubes And Testosterone ~ A Review

    Nov 22nd, 2011
    by Krissi.
    5 comments

      I just finished Michael Saunders’ memoir Test Tubes And Testosterone A Man’s Journey into infertility and IVF and I have to say, I really enjoyed it! First, I want to say how refreshing it was to get the male point of view into the world of infertility and IVF. I’ve been through IVF and of course have shared many conversations with my husband on the subject but it was quite interesting to be inside Michael’s head through his journey. If you’ve ever wondered what your hubby was thinking when he needs to poke you for an injection or when you get moody, then you should pick up this book!

      The other thing I loved was how Michael explained the process. IVF in the UK is quite different from the US and I found it interesting to know what the other side of the world does when it comes to this procedure. For example, instead of Lupron injections to ‘down regulate,’ they use a nasal spray. And of course, there was a lot of tea to mark each occasion! Michael was also kind enough to do some reserach on IVF and FETs and he gives us a mini history lesson on the subject which I thought was enlightening. I also love how he gives us an excellent analogy of sperm moving to the egg by explaining it in human terms: ‘getting to Glasgow from London on foot without feet or legs, getting weaker by the day, and lots of things trying to kill you along the way. Then when you get there, you are exhausted and dying and then you discover you have to break through a wall they built around the city using nothing but your head.’ Now doesn’t that put things into perspective?

       Michael also gave some great advice throughout the book. In one part he writes to all the males out there (regarding your sperm), “Don’t eat rubbish, don’t drink rubbish, don’t put nasty things into your body and make sure you have happy knackers.” He also writes, “I firmly believe the best way to start IVF is to be as relaxed and chilled as possible.” I whole-heartedly agree! Other helpful parts of the book are Michael’s top ten tips, a glossary of medical terms and Internet abbreviations, and a list of resources to check out online all located at the end.

      I thought Test Tubes and Testosterone was really funny. Michael certainly has a wit about him and I’m guessing this sense of humour is what helped him through his infertility. There were many parts I was literally laughing out loud! There are also really touching parts that were sprinkled throughout that I loved. 

       *Spoiler Alert*

     If you’re interested to know if Michael does indeed have success (since some infertility memoirs aren’t wrapped up by the end in a neat little baby bow), then I am happy to report that he does! That’s all I will tell you, although he does announce his daughter Ruby in the opening Author’s Note. You’ll have to read the book to find out more!  

    The only criticism I would give is that I wanted more! More details on the birth of his child(ren) would have been nice especially since he goes into great length about his thoughts on the subject before his wife Hayley even becomes pregnant. I also wanted to know what it is finally like for him to be a father. Although he does sum it up quite nicely in #10 on his tip list: “It can be worth it in the end, believe me.“

       Read Test Tubes and Testosterone! It is an interesting read with a rare perspective into an unfamiliar world. You can share it with your significant other and everyone can get a laugh! You can follow Michael on Twitter at @theIVFdad and buy the book here! :-)

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    Meet Aracely!

    Nov 13th, 2011
    by Krissi.
    2 comments

      My newest success story hails to us this week from Aracely who blogs at Here’s to Unwavering Hope and Answered Prayers. She just had her son about a month ago on October 8th and says that motherhood is everything and more than she dreamed. Read on for her inspiring story!

    1. How long did you struggle through infertility?

    My husband and I faced infertility for 2 years.  We started trying when I was only 26.  I thought it would just happen for us but life had other plans. I have always been a planner so when we were ready to start trying I wanted to be carefree about it. This only lasted about a couple of months. We began using ovulation kits.  When those didn’t pan out, I decided to bite the bullet and buy the $200, Clear*Blue Fert*ility Monitor. After 6 months on the monitor and another 3-4 months trying with the ovulation kits nothing was happening. Something told us that we may have a deeper issue at hand.

    2. What did you go through (as far as treatments, different doctors, adoptions agencies, etc.)?

    Once we had the suspicion that there might be a deeper issue, I made an appointment with my obgyn and told her that we had been trying for about 10 months and nothing was happening. I was glad that she did not tell us to wait it out. I was scheduled for an HSG (hystosalpingogram) which was so painful but I was hopeful that my tubes would be flushed out and then we could conceive. In the meantime my husband was scheduled for a semen analysis.

    So began our diagnoses. My results came back inconclusive with one tube clearing and the other one leaking only a little. I felt so upset but was reassured by my obgyn that my tubes were clear. This was not the cause of our difficulty. My husband’s SA came back abnormal.  His dx was abnormal sperm morphology—3% (WHO method).  His counts and motility were borderline.

    We were devastated but determined to do whatever it took. My obgyn’s exact words were, “I’m sorry but this road might be longer than we thought.” We felt so hopeless and my husband felt responsible.

    We were referred to a fertility specialist in a fertility clinic.  We began blood work and started our 1stIUI (unmedicated)-2 scheduled inseminations for the first month. We were hopeful but were unsuccessful. I was given news that I had tested positive as a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis.  My husband tested negative. We were given 25% of our child having this disease. This was a shock and it made me scared. We were reassured that the chances were low. This just seemed like another bump in the road.

    We tried IUI again but this time I requested that I be put on clo*mid so that we may increase our chances. That month I produced 3-4 eggs. We had 3 scheduled inseminations. BFN again. We decided to try once more the next month. Once again I produced 4 eggs. We had 2 scheduled IUI’s. We were determined to do whatever it took but were really hoping this would be it. Once more we were heartbroken. We met with our doctor and were informed that my hormone levels came back higher than someone should have at my age.  I had no idea what FSH levels were but was informed that my levels were 11.5.  I was only 27.  My doctor wanted to test my levels again in case it was a glitch because in his words “he couldn’t believe it.”  The second test came back better but still pretty high at 7.8. I would later hear exactly how this would affect the rest of our journey.  We also found out that I had developed cysts on my ovaries due to the clo*mid, which once again my doctor found surprising since he only sees this in about 5% of patients.  At this point, I was beginning to believe Murphy’s Law as it related to our fertility.

    Every time we tried something new, we were sure this would make the difference.

    We began to discuss IVF and scheduled an appointment to begin treatment. I started on a regular dosage of drugs but was not responding so they placed me on the highest dosage. My FSH levels pointed to the fact that I have DOR (diminished ovarian reserve). With all of the drugs I still only produced 3 eggs.  One was an empty follicle (that was strange), the other 2 went on to become 2 beautiful A and AB embryos. We were told that we could be “more than hopeful.” So we were. When we received our negative beta, we both cried and held each other. We felt confusion and heartbreak.  We were determined to do whatever it took.

    We decided to try again.  This time I was not put on bcps. We used the highest dosages once more and I produced several follicles but when they went to retrieve them, all but 2 were empty. We were so confused. My doctors weren’t sure why this had happened. In any case, only one egg was mature. It fertilized and became a beautiful grade AB embryo. Two weeks later we received our negative beta. We were devastated once again.

    Nevertheless, we felt more determined than ever to try again. Somehow, at sometime, in some way we would be parents. I felt such peace and for the first time, I surrendered.  I surrendered to God’s will and what I believed to be his promises for my life. We tried IVF for a third time and were so elated to find that this time it had worked! The amazing aspect is that we only had one mature egg, one embryo. It only took one!

    3. How did you handle disappointments through your cycles (natural and otherwise) or months of waiting?

    My faith in God gave me hope, strength, and perseverance. I knew that God had called me to be a mother. He had placed that desire in my heart.  I believed that one day it would happen. I surrendered to His will and it finally happened. My husband and I also communicated our feelings. We talked a lot throughout this journey. We grew stronger as a couple because of this hardship.

    4. What were the ‘stress-free’ techniques that you tried that helped you get through the cycle or time (yoga, meditation, acupuncture, support through family, friends & on-line, etc.)?

    I began my blog as a way to express all my feelings, thoughts, questions, and doubts.  I also read everything I could get my hands on to learn about infertility.  Following other people’s success stories gave me so much hope. I discovered yoga and absolutely loved it, if for no other reason but that it gave me a sense of peace. I also listened to meditation CD’s during our IVF cycles. On our last cycle, I gave acupuncture a try. I had heard of all the benefits and decided I had nothing to lose. It was very relaxing. I enjoyed it. Whether or not it helped contribute to our success I’m not sure but I would recommend it as a relaxation technique. I also drank Chinese herbs prescribed by my acupuncturist.

    5. If you could give advice for couples going through infertility now, what would it be?

    Never give up hope!  Love each other through the pain. Adopt a “whatever it takes” mentality. That level of surrender was what made all the difference. In the end, no matter how you become a parent, it will all be worth it.

    Our miracle baby boy, Elliot is here!  The whole pregnancy was a series of miracles. I’ve not taken a single moment of my pregnancy for granted. At the end of this road, I am stronger and wiser.  God is good. He is faithful and close to the brokenhearted. He heard my prayers and has answered them.

    Thank you so much Aracely! And congratulations on your son! Go to her blog to read more about her journey!

     

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    Surviving Halloween

    Oct 31st, 2011
    by Krissi.
    2 comments

      Well, it’s here, as it is every year. A holiday that screams fun, joy, and mystery for children and adults alike. But for many infertiles, this holiday can also scream angst, pain, and frustration. I’ve been there. I remember one year after already unsuccessfully trying months on our own to get pregnant, I sat home with one measly bag of candy dreading the trick or treaters. My heart literally ached to see moms pushing strollers down my street all done up in Halloween cheer with no doubt, adorable mini-costumes inside them. When toddlers just barely walking were helped up my steps by their giggling parents filled with pride and joy, I was crushed. But, I endured them all day and even had to get more candy. And it was really difficult. So, I get it.

       This year, I will be taking my three miracles out later, in their costumes and we will go trick or treating. And I’m particularly excited this year because my twins (who could barely walk on their own last year) are now bustling to get going and enjoy some sweets and just learned how to say “Twick-or-tweeet!”

        Each year since I’ve had my children, Halloween brings me back to my childhood memories, filled with anticipation, fun dress-up, and laughter. And, hopefully, one day you will be there too. If today is not your day, it is understandable to not take part in the festivities. There’s no shame in going out (perhaps to a costume party with lots of goodies to envoke your inner child) or pulling the shades and watching a scary movie instead of answering the door. If you don’t want to be the one on your street or floor that “had no candy” or is “never home on Halloween,” try putting a bowl out for the little ones. If you leave a sign that says “please take one” children will bee-line straight for it and may not even ring your bell, at least not until it runs out. Let’s face it, even if kids can read, you know they will be taking more than one. At that point, you can leave another sign, “All gone! Sorry! Happy Halloween!” and that will be that…until next year. And perhaps then, you just may have a little one to dress in an adorable mini-costume. You never know! ;-)

    Here are some other articles you may enjoy! Happy Halloween!

    Infertility and Halloween: Cheers? Jeers? Tears?

    6 Halloween Survival Tips for Infertile Folks

    Infertile? Don’t Let Halloween Scare You!

    #705 How to Survive an Infertile Halloween

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    The Truth About Trying

    Oct 21st, 2011
    by Krissi.
    3 comments

      If you’re here from ICLW, welcome! It’s Fertility News Friday here at Stress Free Infertility!

       Have you heard the ground breaking news? Redbook Magazine has teamed up with Resolve and they are initiating a No Shame Campaign on The Truth About Trying. They are encouraging you to join them and post your own video about your “I Wish I Had Known” moments in your infertility journey (through You Tube)! Find out more about the videos and watch the more than 60 already submitted videos including ones from celebrities like Padma Lakshmi and Brenda Strong! I am going to try to do my own video this weekend! ;-) I hope it inspires you to speak up and add your own! Infertility shouldn’t have shame attached to it. Don’t put the blame on yourself. Become empowered by this amazing community of support and empower others at the same time with your experience!

    Click this for more info about this awesome campaign!

     In addition, I wanted to link to a few articles printed this month in the magazine.  I personally am so excited that infertility is being recognized by a major magazine and getting this much attention! Let them know you appreciate them too by spreading the word! Thank you Redbook! :-)

      4 Things To Never Say to a Friend Who’s Been Trying

    Infertility Treatments: What Women Need to Know

    The Invisible Pain of Infertility

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    Guest Blogger: What PCOS Has Done For Me

    Sep 27th, 2011
    by Krissi.
    1 comment
      This post is written by a guest blogger April from Where Do We Go From Here? Thank you so much April for sharing this awesome post with us! ;-)
     
    Being diagnosed with PCOS was one thing that completely undermined just about everything I’d ever been taught or believed. Who wasn’t been told over and over as a child that they could be whatever they wanted to be when they grew up? When you hear the same thing often enough, you start to believe it. When you keep hearing it, it only reinforces that belief. What do you do when someone pulls that rug out from under you?
    The doctor who initially made my diagnosis didn’t really seem to be interested in explaining anything further to me. It was ‘yup, PCOS, take your birth control until you want a baby.’ It wasn’t until I got home and started reading everything I could find on the Internet that my heart really started sinking. But really, it all made sense. Things I never would have connected were suddenly so obviously related. Things I’d never even worried about before were booted to the forefront of my mind.
    But none of those things were the real problem. All I’d ever wanted to be was a wife and a mother.  This doctor, with his insultingly superior assumption that I couldn’t spell ‘polycystic ovarian syndrome,’ had so easily dismissed half of my life’s goals.
     I went through a period of time where I had no hope for anything anymore. I hated the fact that I took birth control pills for eleven years before finding someone I was ready to have children with. I hated the fact that I never wondered why I never had pregnancy scares like everyone else. I hated myself for never suspecting that anything was wrong. I hated that almost all of my friends already had kids. I hated that I might be sentencing my husband to be childless without even asking him. Most of all, I hated what my body had done to me. I hated how it had let me down.

    It’s been over five years since I saw that doctor. I’ve lost count of how many others I’ve seen since then. But the biggest difference hasn’t come from them. It’s come from me, and how my outlook has changed. I have my good days and my worse days, like anyone else, but I know that the worse days won’t break me. I haven’t reached the bottom of this pit yet, but I’ve imagined what it looks like, and it isn’t as bad as it could be. I know that PCOS and infertility are not the worst things that can happen, at least to me. I haven’t given up. I’ve really only just gotten started trying all the options that I’m open to trying. No matter what happens, I have learned that I am the strong person that people have told me I am. So not everything I’ve always been told has turned out to be a lie. Some of it has turned out to be more true than I would ever have believed. And that’s pretty encouraging.

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