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ivfgirl.com

   Meet Beth! Beth is an IVF survivor and blogs at: IVF Girl. She is truly an inspiration because she not only is now pregnant with her first child, she helps others through IVF with success tips and explanations (or as she calls them “IVF for Dummies”) on her blog. Thanks Beth for sharing!

     I’m 39 years old now (just turned) and have been struggling with infertility since I was a teenager.  Although I did not realize it at the time that I would be infertile.  I have PCOS and Endometriosis which I am wearing as a badge of honor since Padma Lashki is also going through the same ailments.  

     It has no boundaries – infertility.  Anyone can struggle from it.  When I started to yearn for children, not so long ago and realized I had cysts and was feeling icky often, I got checked out.  It was then that I was diagnosed.  I tried IUI mutliple times and when that failed, I went to a new doctor and he was the one who recommended IVF to me.  And here I am, months later, pregnant from my first IVF.  My symptons of Endometriosis and PCOS have subsided during this pregnancy but I sense I will be dealing with them after I give birth.

     I went through IUI and IVF.  I also, prior to all of that fun stuff, went through a PCOS diet (there is a book) and downed herbals that a crappy doctor referred for me.  I won’t even tell you the name of the herbals because they tasted awful and when diluted in apple juice, is a taste no woman can ever forget.  Mind, the herbals were costly and did nothing for me.

     Along the way, when I was getting my cysts removed and my IUIs were failing, I did what most women did.  I cried.  I got angry.  I resented my relatives who had multiple children and were so lucky.  I cringed at the word, “mommy.”  (I had a summer camp friend who always talked about being a, “mommy.”  I had to drop her.  Sad to say.  It was really THAT annoying. Granted, she had other issues so it was for the best but still, very irritating.)  And I cringed when I saw a Toys R Us commercial.  Every day.  But they were fleeting moments, of course and as we both know, every day is filled with all kinds of moments.  So my main and most logical way of handling the down moments were to talk about it.  I have a very close male friend who lives far away from me and he was the one person I could turn to.  He was not here in person so he didn’t witness my frowns first hand.  He just heard about them and was the best shoulders any woman could lean on.  He was also not in my family so he felt disappointment, only through my words and feelings.  And every time we finished our conversation, I felt better.  Therefore, talking about the disappointment helps.  Knowing who is a good listener also helps.  Not everyone has the patience and sensitivity to understand infertility and the monthly disappointments.  I also watched the food I ate and educated myself about PCOS and Endometriosis and of course, IVF.  

    Acupuncture!  That helped me tremendously.  And reading some really amazing books.  I also cut back my work load from 100 plus hours a week to taking a, “hiatus.”  Not many women could do that but I knew I had to as my work was not accepting of multiple doctor visits for IVF (so frequent once the cycle starts.)  I had to make a choice and leave my work temporarily, otherwise, the stress level would have prevented me from carrying a baby.  And would have prevented me from making my appointments on time.  I just took ten steps backwards, really. If a woman could do that, that would be the ticket. If not? Find some time to take a nice walk or a bath or read some great books. Go for a run. Anything. And grab as much quiet time a possible for herself.

     Infertility sucks. It’s a real jerk.  And let’s face it, all women (and men) compare their stories to other couple’s stories.  We don’t want to be the childless friends and we want to know what made those other people so lucky, don’t we?  Truth is, no couple has had a perfect time in conceiving a baby.  Every couple has a story behind the story and believe it or not, there are more people who go through medical assistance than one thinks. People are just quiet about it.  So my advice is?  Do not judge other couples just because they appear lucky.  But DO befriend others if you are able to.  I met a great couple as I waited for my IVF appointments and we struck up conversations in the waiting room.  We related so much to one another and funny, when I was getting my embryos put back in?  The other couple were JUST getting prepped to have their eggs taken out.  We just clicked like that and it helped to say, “RIGHT?!  I KNOW!”   My other piece of advice is to get a second opinion on everything.  Be patient and get that second opinion.  Get every test done. Be thorough.  And then make a decision about IVF together.  It’s not just about the woman’s body.  It is also about the male’s body and his needs, too.  He may not have the plumbing to carry a child but he is equally as important and sensitive as the woman is – in having a child conceived.  So be good to one another.  That is everything.  Respect and being good to one another.