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Having infertility is like being thirsty in the desert…

So, after finding out about The Analogy Project from Mel at Stirrup Queens, I asked my husband if he could give an analogy to what infertility is like, what would it be? Within minutes, he recollected a scene from the movie Three Amigos!

In this scene, Martin Short, Steve Martin, and Chevy Chase are riding horses in the very hot, dry desert. When they stop for drinks, Steve Martin’s canteen is empty. I’ll step in here and say this is like what all the women feel who’s arms are empty and we are so desperately looking for a baby to fill them. It’s a thirst we can’t seem to quench when we are infertile.

When Martin Short lifts his canteen, there’s nothing but sand getting dumped into his mouth.  This to me represents everything that’s wrong with infertility. No matter how much we may want a baby and need it right at that moment, the wrong things happen; it’s the wrong timing, the wrong procedure, the wrong results.  It feels like we are drowning in a sea of emotions and yet can’t reach the shore. We may even see a mirage and get fooled into happiness for a short while, but we could still be drowning in that sand before we get the water we need and desire.

My husband simply describes Steve Martin and Martin Short as “us”. Now, Chevy Chase on the other hand is “everyone else.” When Chevy Chase lifts his canteen, it’s filled with water and he drinks a huge amount of it. When you are fertile, there seems to be an abundance of babies, pregnancies, sperm, eggs, and it’s all in the right place, at the right time, and it’s satisfying and bountiful just as the water is to Chevy in that moment on the desert. But my husband says, the clincher is when he throws the canteen on the ground and more water pours out. He’s so cavalier about it, and doesn’t even realize that the other two are thirsty or need water at all. Chevy really does take that water for granted, just as the ease of fertility is taken for granted for so many. Then, as he puts on lip balm, further satisfying his needs, it suddenly dawns on him to share. I think that many fertiles around the world are like this. They are oblivious to the pain and emotional needs of an infertile friend or family member. They satisfy their own family needs and may do/say things right in front of an infertile that are spiteful, insensitive, or downright mean (even without meaning to be). Maybe after their babies are born, or in some cases even before, they see us look longingly at their babies and pregnant bellies as Steve Martin and Martin Short did in this scene looking for the water, then these fertiles may suddenly feel a bit of sympathy and a willingness to be there.

But I think the truth of the matter is, it is our fate. There will always be an abundance of water for some on the desert as there will always be an abundance of babies. But sadly, the opposite is also true. We may get empty canteens or sand filled ones before we ever see one spilling over with the water we crave. And some of us will never get our own water filled canteens, we may have to take some from another or watch it slip away on the desert floor. Having infertility is like needing something so badly that you feel like you would die without it, just like being thirsty in the desert. But, I do hope we all find our water in one way or another.

Here’s the video of the scene:

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Lots of Love to Go Around!

Here’s my Blog Love post to all of you! You are strong, bold and beautiful. Keep smiling, keep reading…Thank you for stopping by! I love you!

Tomorrow is the big day for love and affection…and well, you may not be feeling in the loving mood this year. Perhaps your infertility has robbed you of that ultra sexy feeling because there’s been way too much pressure in the bedroom. Maybe money has been tight because of treatments or adoption preparations and with money stress comes every day stress and nit-picky fights. Infertility has the power to take over our lives and change relationships we have with others. But, it should never take away all you have left in the love department. Here are some simple ways to spread some love tomorrow and anytime, (even if there’s not a lot of money to go around). Remember, love is always FREE!

  • First, love thyself. Need a good pampering? Go ahead and splurge a little on something you’ve been wanting for a while now. Money tight? There’s plenty to do on a shoe-string budget from home spa treatments to taking a leisurely stroll during a ‘mental health day/hour off.’
  • Love thy neighbor. Your neighbors and friends may not be able to relate to your infertility, but they mean well. Keep them at arm’s length but pull them in to be your shoulder to cry on when you need it most. Showing this vulnerability will not only show them you are in need, it flexes their friendship muscle and helps you see who’s truly on your side. Include them in some Valentine’s Day or anytime love by giving a card, a heart box of chocolaty goodness or a simple thank you to show how appreciative you are.
  • Love thy spouse/partner. Remind him/her that you really do love and appreciate all that he/she does for you. Sometimes, it may be hard to rekindle some romance but some soft music, candle-light and a nice home cooked meal can go a long way. If you’re feeling creative; a poem, a scrapbook/slide-show, a special song or even a dedicated blog post can erupt a sea of emotions. Before I was married and totally broke, I once made my husband a painting with swirls of red paint and used Chinese characters that meant love, loyalty and devotion, among others. He loved it and it still sits by his night table! ;-)

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Meet Molly!

Meet Molly Wohlk! She is from WI and blogs at Adventures of an Infertile Nanny and tweets under @infertilenanny. Read on for her inspiring story!

1.  How long did you struggle through infertility? 

My husband and I struggled with infertility for 3 years and 8 months before we finally conceived our miracle.

2.  What did you go through (as far as treatments, different doctors, adoptions agencies, etc.)?

We started TTC in Sept of 2007 with high hopes. After charting for the first few months I realized TTC for us wasn’t going to be a breeze. According to my BBT I wasn’t always ovulating and when I did my cycles were way too long. At 9 months of TTC we decided to talk to our first FS (fertility specialist). Our first Dr. promptly started us on 50 mg of Clomid (CD 5-9) and diagnosed me with unexplained infertility. On our 3rd cycle of Clomid we finally conceived. We miscarried at 5 weeks. We were devastated to say the least and took 6 months off of TTC. After being unsuccessful by ourselves we went back to our Dr. and decided to try another 3 months of Clomid (same dose/days). We failed all three cycles. Distraught and disappointed we took another break. After once again being unsuccessful on our own we decided to switch to a new Dr. to try to get some answers. After talking to our second (new) FS she was shocked to find out we never ran any tests to determine why we were having so many issues. She ordered blood tests for me and a sperm analysis for Mr. Awesome (my husband). Mr. Awesome passed his test with flying colors but I failed mine horribly. We found out I had low progesterone and LPD. She started me on 50 mg of Clomid (CD 3-7) only to discover that my progesterone wasn’t rising enough. She upped my dose to 100 mg (CD 3-7) and we found that raised my progesterone significantly. I also started going to acupuncture once a week (I highly recommend this). When I was on my 5th cycle of 100 mg Clomid I started to blog. Although everything was going great we were still unsuccessful after 6 months of clomid. My Dr. recommended a HSG. Unfortunately our insurance wouldn’t cover it so we decided to take a break and concentrate on our finances. That was in January of this year. We started Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover to get our debt under control and after lots of talking we decided to save for adoption or IUI (after my HSG). I continued to use OPKs but after not getting good results for months, I decided to take a break from everything in April. On May 21st 2011 we found out we were pregnant with our miracle. We are currently 25 weeks pregnant with a very wiggly and healthy baby we affectionately call Bean. Bean is due on Mr. Awesome and my 10 year (dating) anniversary, January 26, 2012. 

 3.  How did you handle disappointments through your cycles (natural and otherwise) or months of waiting? And 4.) What were the ‘stress-free’ techniques that you tried that helped you get through the cycle or time (yoga, meditation, acupuncture, support through family, friends & on-line, etc.)? 

I really don’t think we could have survived almost four years of infertility without the support of our family and friends. And I know I couldn’t have survived without blogging. Blogging for me was such a great way to vent and talk about what I was going through and to connect with women/families who were going through the same thing as me. Acupuncture was another great stress relief.

 5.  If you could give advice for couples going through infertility now, what would it be? 

My advice for anyone still dealing with infertility is this: hang in there and don’t give up hope, miracles happen. And as much as you hate to hear it (I know this made me want to stab people) try to relax. The month we conceived we were completely med free, no OPKs were used, and we were just enjoying life. This baby was conceived on gin/juice and romance novels while my husband and I were laughing and enjoying  each others company.

“I’m not telling you it is going to be easy, I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it” -unknown

“You were given this life because you were strong enough to live it” -unknown

Thanks so much Molly! Check out her blog to follow her journey into motherhood!

 

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Power with Friends!

  So as many of you are aware, Hurricane Irene ravaged through much of the east coast of the US and hit Long Island yesterday. It left me this little present in my driveway and I am now without power.

But I wanted to send a shout out to all my friends who were in the path of Irene and hope that you are safe and sound. Sometimes it takes a crazy storm to help you appreciate life and all that you have.

Thanks to all my friends out here in computer land, blogging world and twitterville! I also wanted to say how much I appreciate all of you who took my poll, shared my survey with family and friends, and linked up and shared posts about friends in real life, virtual friends and furry friends! I may be without power, but I am empowered by all of you who have supported me and continue to support all in the ALI community!  ;-)

  That’ll probably be all the blogging I can do for Friends Month

I’ll write more when I can!

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Furry Friday Friend Link Up

  Ok, here’s the link up for this week and the last one for the month! Write up your quick posts about your furbabies (or longer if you have the time to pour your heart out, we greatly encourage it!), and then link up here. If you’re here from ICLW, welcome and thanks for stopping by! If you’re confused about what’s going on, see more details in this Link Up post!   ;-)



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Toby

  If you’re here from ICLW, welcome! It’s Friends Month and this week, we’re talking about our furry friends. Please write up your posts to link up! Here’s mine:

When I was first unsuccessful in the TTC area, we got our puppy Toby. He’s a boxer with lots of energy. As a puppy, he was a handful and oh so cute. So, there was of course, a lot of attention on him which was a pleasant distraction for me. When I did get pregnant finally, Toby was very protective. He would sleep right next to my side of the bed or couch and became a little more weary of strangers. And then, like the dog we always wanted for our children, when my daughter was born, he was gentle and loving. As she got older and more rambunctious, he was tolerant and forgiving and he still is today even when my twins crawl all over him! Despite his grossly smelling farts (seriously he can clear a room) and his crazy loud barks when he needs to go out and his obsession with chewing anything paper related, he really is a great dog! I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves!

     

The first morning my daughter was home.

Write up your posts and get ready to link up! 
I will put up the list later so check back or leave the link in a comment here and I’ll link it for you!! ;-)
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Friday Friend Link Up ~ Furry Friends

  Welcome to all my ICLW bloggers! OK, so this is the last link up for this month and hopefully we’ll get more participants! It’s Friends Month on Stress Free Infertility. We talked about IRL friends (check out my poll) and virtual friends (read some heart felt posts). Now it’s time to pay homage to our furry friends, the fur babies that are near and dear to your hearts!

Here’s what you need to do:

  • Write up a quick post about your lovable 4 legged friend who has helped you through your infertility in some way
  • Include an adorable picture
  • Link back here to spread the word and get others to read the linked posts as well
  • Link up on Friday (*I will most likely put the list up by Thursday)
  • Have fun! ;-)
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Lovin’ Lauren, Damita, and Sarah!

  So, it’s ICLW time and in case you don’t know,  I do a little thing I like to call Blog Love Mondays where I pick bloggers at random off my blogroll. So, if you’re not on my list, let me know and I’ll add you on! At this time, I usually randomly select off the ICLW list but this week, since I’m featuring furry friends for Friends Month, I started reading and commenting until I found bloggers with four legged companions! So here we go:

  

First up, I’m lovin’ Lauren from Not Just an Army Wife. She has two pups, Bella (her crazy daschund) and Murphy (her lovable corgi). Read her  ICLW post to learn more about her. And, she is now 3 days past her IUI so go wish her some luck!

  Ok, next we have Damita from Digital-Damita.net. She has 3 cats Arthur, Kit, and Onion with pictures of them on a recent wordless Wednesday post. She has been trying to look for a job at the moment, so go wish her some luck as well! In other news, she’s been trying to get pregnant for a year now and is venting about “relaxing.”

  And last but not least, we have Sarah from The Rocky Road to Motherhood. She has two cats, Poppy and Lucy who you can see in her about me page. But even more exciting than that, she is a new mom and has adorable pics of her son! And she recently found out he has a heart condition and will need open heart surgery soon, so keep him in your prayers and send good wishes along.

Go send some ICLW love!

And don’t forget to write up your posts about your fur babies/furry friends to link up on Friday! ;-)

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Welcome ICLWers!

  Hello! Welcome to my little corner of the Internet! I went through 6 IVF cycles to have my family and I wrote a memoir called Ordinary Miracles coming this fall. I write this blog to help all of you still on your journey to motherhood and I am looking forward to meeting new bloggers!

  On Sundays, I usually post a success story but I don’t have a new one this week. You can check out the success stories I’ve posted or if you’ve been successful, go to my Q & A for success stories post for all the info on how you can submit yours!

  This month has been a busy one! It’s Friends Month here on Stress Free Infertility. I posted a poll to see how honest you are with your friends in real life. Check that out for some interesting results! Also, I’m working on a new book for the fertile world. Please pass on this quick survey to your fertile friends and family members!

   And last but not least, I’m having a little link up and I would LOVE your participation!Write up a quick post about your virtual friends (all your besties in the ALI community) to tell them how much you appreciate them and then link up to my Friday Friend Link Up post. Also, get some posts ready for your furry friends and link up this Friday!

Thanks for stopping by! ;-)

Show some love! Comment back!

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Friday Friend Link-up ~ Virtual Friends

  So, I’m going to put this post up a day early so you have extra time to link up! If you’re not familiar with what’s going on, it’s Friends Month here on Stress Free Infertility! I would love for you to share the love and write a heart-felt post about one, more than one, or all of your internet buddies, your loyal & supportive followers on Twitter (and FB) and your besties all over the ALI community! Write your hearts out and link up! Don’t forget to link back here so that others can follow along, join in the fun, and read each other’s posts! Thanks! ;-)



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