So, after finding out about The Analogy Project from Mel at Stirrup Queens, I asked my husband if he could give an analogy to what infertility is like, what would it be? Within minutes, he recollected a scene from the movie Three Amigos!
In this scene, Martin Short, Steve Martin, and Chevy Chase are riding horses in the very hot, dry desert. When they stop for drinks, Steve Martin’s canteen is empty. I’ll step in here and say this is like what all the women feel who’s arms are empty and we are so desperately looking for a baby to fill them. It’s a thirst we can’t seem to quench when we are infertile.
When Martin Short lifts his canteen, there’s nothing but sand getting dumped into his mouth. This to me represents everything that’s wrong with infertility. No matter how much we may want a baby and need it right at that moment, the wrong things happen; it’s the wrong timing, the wrong procedure, the wrong results. It feels like we are drowning in a sea of emotions and yet can’t reach the shore. We may even see a mirage and get fooled into happiness for a short while, but we could still be drowning in that sand before we get the water we need and desire.
My husband simply describes Steve Martin and Martin Short as “us”. Now, Chevy Chase on the other hand is “everyone else.” When Chevy Chase lifts his canteen, it’s filled with water and he drinks a huge amount of it. When you are fertile, there seems to be an abundance of babies, pregnancies, sperm, eggs, and it’s all in the right place, at the right time, and it’s satisfying and bountiful just as the water is to Chevy in that moment on the desert. But my husband says, the clincher is when he throws the canteen on the ground and more water pours out. He’s so cavalier about it, and doesn’t even realize that the other two are thirsty or need water at all. Chevy really does take that water for granted, just as the ease of fertility is taken for granted for so many. Then, as he puts on lip balm, further satisfying his needs, it suddenly dawns on him to share. I think that many fertiles around the world are like this. They are oblivious to the pain and emotional needs of an infertile friend or family member. They satisfy their own family needs and may do/say things right in front of an infertile that are spiteful, insensitive, or downright mean (even without meaning to be). Maybe after their babies are born, or in some cases even before, they see us look longingly at their babies and pregnant bellies as Steve Martin and Martin Short did in this scene looking for the water, then these fertiles may suddenly feel a bit of sympathy and a willingness to be there.
But I think the truth of the matter is, it is our fate. There will always be an abundance of water for some on the desert as there will always be an abundance of babies. But sadly, the opposite is also true. We may get empty canteens or sand filled ones before we ever see one spilling over with the water we crave. And some of us will never get our own water filled canteens, we may have to take some from another or watch it slip away on the desert floor. Having infertility is like needing something so badly that you feel like you would die without it, just like being thirsty in the desert. But, I do hope we all find our water in one way or another.
Here’s the video of the scene:
Friday Friend Link Up ~ Furry Friends
Welcome to all my ICLW bloggers! OK, so this is the last link up for this month and hopefully we’ll get more participants! It’s Friends Month on Stress Free Infertility. We talked about IRL friends (check out my poll) and virtual friends (read some heart felt posts). Now it’s time to pay homage to our furry friends, the fur babies that are near and dear to your hearts!
Here’s what you need to do: