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Meet Heather!

Jan 15th, 2012
by Krissi.
1 comment

Survive Infertility and ThriveMeet Heather, My newest success story. She writes at Survive Infertility and Thrive! Read on for her inspiring story:

1. How long did you struggle through infertility? About 5 years.

2. What did you go through (as far as treatments, different doctors, adoptions agencies, etc.)?

I remember sitting staring at that phone. I must have sat there for a long time before I got up the courage to make that call to the fertility clinic. All the fears of: “How much was this all going to cost?”, and most of all, “Can they actually help me?” were swirling around in my head. Because, as the years pass, it gets harder to trust another doctor and embark on another procedure. It gets harder to open up to trying again after repeated failures.

Four years back in 2007 I went to my first gynecologist. He treated me like a complete idiot. Just because I couldn’t remember exactly how long my periods were, or exactly how long I’d been off the pill. I was so ignorant back then. I didn’t question the doctor when he merely counted days and didn’t scan me to figure out exactly when I was ovulating. I was so sure I was not fertile on that first transfer. He drew out seven pipes filled with blood because of course everything was not lined up and ready. He made catty remarks such as “You really don’t want to get pregnant, do you?” But what did I know back then? I felt like complete shit, and was cramping like hell. The second day was a bit better pain wise. (I was a bit more fertile by then). I was in a better frame of mind and hubby took me out for breakfast. I drank two cups of coffee. What did I know about caffeine and fertility back then? Not much. But we did our best that we knew how to do at the time, and it was a negative outcome.

I took a bit of a break after that. But I used the time to get better informed. My mom bought me a book called “Fertility Wisdom” which made a whole lot of sense to me. I went to a homeopath. I started subscribing to fertility newsletters. I heard about Sarah Holland and her fertility conference and I learned a whole whack more. So in 2010 we went for our second IUI, with a different gynecologist. This guy was nice to me and did lots of scans and injections. Yip, definitely in better hands. This time I proceeded the treatment by six months of acupuncture, homeopathic tablets and a very strict no sugar, no caffeine, no dairy, no gluten diet. I landed up becoming real skinny. I wasn’t taking any chances. I listened to Circle and Bloom. I did EFT tapping. I poured myself into this. The IUI took place during SA’s Fifa World Cup and I was so filled with hope.

Again, another disappointment. This was worse because of putting in so much effort from other avenues. And to top it all off my maid’s 14 year old daughter gave birth. We were even offered her baby two months later. To say it was a hard time and a hard decision would be an understatement. Nobody should have to make these kinds of decisions. And you can imagine the effect on our marriage. Adoption versus biology was suddenly this huge issue and we had to figure it all out. In the end, after going for some EFT tapping to calm myself down and realise there were other options, and blogging through all of this, the best thing that could have happened gradually did a work in our relationship by the following year. I became more accepting of adoption and we even visited an orphanage together. My DH became more accepting of IVF and came on board with taking money out the bond to pay for it. Nobody talks much about how hard this all is, but we got through it.

In 2011, I took a different approach. I went to a different acupuncturist who was also a homeopath who had been recommended to me. He was very good. While I tried to stick to the fertility diet, I was not as strict as last time. I did eat unhealthy stuff at times, but I didn’t stress about it. I was not going to get skinny again. The doctor at the fertility clinic was excellent. I had heard a lot of good things about him. He immediately did a scan and picked up some problems. I had also been having very bad period pains and he suspected endometriosis. He scheduled a laparoscopy. He also put me through a load of expensive blood tests. They found out that my TSH was slightly too high and I went onto Eltroxin. They also found that I had antiphosholipid antibodies which could also be medicated once I got pregnant (they had the potential to kill a developing fetus! Thank goodness I found out about that!) I had the op. My mom came up and looked after me. DH even helped out. They found stage two endometriosis and removed a big nasty fibroid. It was all about “out with the old and in with the new”. We prepared for IVF.

The last month before IVF I went for a follow up appointment with Dr. R. He said I would be ovulating on Thursday, and should try for conception as a last chance. I thought this was hilarious. It was just like my homeopath trying to get me pregnant naturally. It had never ever worked before, so why should it work now? But what the heck, we tried. I went for acupuncture on that day. I listened to the pre-IUI/IVF Circle and Bloom audios. I focused on that healing path. But my mind was the next month. Two weeks later, waiting for my cycle to start so I could get going with IVF, I was still waiting. And a miracle happened. Two lines happened. As I write this I am 17 weeks pregnant. It is still very early days. But I am so glad that I persisted. I am so glad that we did not give up. I am so glad I picked up that phone. Sometimes it really does take courage to keep going. It takes courage to ask for help when you’ve had some bad experiences before.

3. How did you handle disappointments through your cycles (natural and otherwise) or months of waiting?

I varied through different moods. Sometimes I would get depressed. Other times I would be filled with hope and strong in my faith. I think that the support from my husband and the love from my dogs did help a lot, as well as blogging, and chatting with friends. I always maintained that each failure was there to teach me something: to make better decisions next time, and it was true that I did select better doctors each time.

4. What were the ‘stress-free’ techniques that you tried that helped you get through the cycle or time (yoga, meditation, acupuncture, support through family, friends & on-line, etc.)?

Blogging through my problems has definitely been a big help and support. It is really amazing to get not only support but also information from other people out there who have been through what you have been through. I also had a friend going through infertility treatments at the same time as me which helped a lot.

I used acupuncture through both my IUI cycles and I found it relaxed and strengthened me. Particularly with my second acupuncturist, he used to look at my tongue and know exactly which meridians required assistance. He gave me acupuncture on the day I conceived. I did a fertility yoga dvd and enjoyed this one simply because it worked for a non-fit person such as myself. I have reviewed this dvd on my blog here.

I used Emotional Freedom Techniques which is like acupuncture without the needles. You tap on certain meridian points and say affirmations. This kind of thing particularly helps in fearful situations e.g when picking up the phone, facing an operation or procedure. I’ve put together a comprehensive overview of infertility emotional issues using this technique here. I also did pray a lot! And I had a number of people praying for me.

I have put together a free series of survival techniques you can read on my blog here.

5. If you could give advice for couples going through infertility now, what would it be?

Don’t give up. This journey is extremely hard, but it is often at the point where you are really ready to throw in the towel that you experience your greatest breakthrough.

Get all my survival tips here.

Blog: http://surviveandthrive.co.za

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/heather.surviveandthrive

Twitter: http://twitter.com/heatherstep

Heather and her dearest hubby at 14 weeks pregnant. Their other children (i.e. dogs) are in the background).

 

Thanks so much Heather! Good luck with the rest of  your pregnancy!

Go to her blog to follow her journey into motherhood!

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Meet Hannah!

Dec 4th, 2011
by Krissi.
No comments yet
Meet Hannah, my newest success story! She blogs at Hannah & Sam. Read on for her incredible story!
 
1.     How long did you struggle through infertility?  
 Two years. I had wanted to start trying a couple years before that, but we were waiting for better jobs, and we wanted to buy a house. When we finally decided we were ready for a family, I was thrilled! Then, after a few months, the confusion set in. Why am I not pregnant? Is something wrong with me? Why is everyone else able to get pregnant? One of the hardest things, for me, was the extreme emotions. I would be so hopeful, excited about starting a new fertility treatment, and then hurt and confused when I still wasn’t pregnant. On top of that was the strong desire for a child. I wanted to look at cribs, hold baby blankets, and paint the bedroom that would be our nursery, but it was too painful. I was convinced I’d eventually be a mom, but what all would we have to go through? 
 
2.     What did you go through (as far as treatments, different doctors, adoptions agencies, etc.)?
 We tried on our own for a year, and then went through a year of infertility treatments. At first, my Reproductive Endocrinologist identified ovulation irregularities. So to correct that, I was on Clomid, then Femara, then Femara and Menopur (ganatrophin shots). To increase our chances, we added IUI for a few cycles. Nothing produced a pregnancy, and my doctor wasn’t sure why. She said we could try a laproscopy, an outpatient surgical procedure, that would identify whether endometriosis was present. There was only a 50/50 chance I had endo. Still, I wanted to find out. We scheduled the surgery for a couple months out, and during those two months, my husband and I went to two adoption seminars. That was a big step for us. It was the first time I allowed myself to think that maybe I wouldn’t experience a pregnancy. That was hard, and yet I’ve always believed that to parent a child is more important than having a biological connection. I left those adoption seminars a little overwhelmed, but encouraged. I needed to know that no matter what happened with the lap, I’d be able to become a mom. My doctor did find endo and removed it. A month later, after the lap, my doctor said we could just try on our own, but I was too scared to do that.  We did a femara/IUI cycle and then got our first positive pregnancy test.   Nine months later, our sweet baby boy. 
 
3.     How did you handle disappointments through your cycles (natural and otherwise) or months of waiting?
 I cried. There were tears every month for two years. To help, my husband and I would usually plan something on our test day. We’d go to the mall, or to IKEA, or to see a movie. Something that would help distract me, but that wouldn’t require me to pretend I wasn’t upset. I also blogged and wrote out my prayers. 
 
4.     What were the ‘stress-free’ techniques that you tried that helped you get through the cycle or time (yoga, meditation, acupuncture, support through family, friends & on-line, etc.)?
 Prayer and blogging. I felt compelled to do both. I knew God heard my cries, but why wasn’t I a mom yet? Writing helped me process what I was feeling and thinking. That’s why I first started blogging. I didn’t know if anyone would ever find my blog, but I had to write it. Then, finding a support group online was amazing. It was so encouraging to know that others understood exactly how I felt.
 
5.     If you could give advice for couples going through infertility now, what would it be?
 Hold on to hope. Find a support group. Also, find ways to feel like you’re still in control of your life and still moving forward. I joined weight watchers and started exercising more. It made me feel like I was in control of my body for a change, and I loved losing the extra pounds I gained during infertility. 
 
6. What does motherhood mean to you now?
On February 28, 2011, when the doctor placed my son on my chest, I couldn’t help but sob, and sob loudly. Here he was, after everything we had gone through, after almost losing hope that we’d ever get to this point. And now, 9 months later, I still look at him in awe. I walk in his nursery and am still overwhelmed by my feelings of joy and thankfulness. Sometimes I wonder if I’m living a dream, as being his mom is even more gratifying than I had imagined. This intense love and gratitude sustained me during all those sleepless newborn nights, and it reminds me now of what’s really important as my little guy throws food off his highchair tray or tries out his new teeth by biting my arm.  This child was longed for, prayed for, and is loved unconditionally.
Now, my sweet baby boy is 8 1/2 months old already!  I’m treasuring this time. (I’m also still trying to figure out how to balance everything as a working mom.)   
 

Thank you so much Hannah! Your little boy is adorable! Check out her blog!

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Meet Athena!

Jun 5th, 2011
by Krissi.
No comments yet

Meet Athena! She blogs at A Field of Dreams. Read on for her inspiring story!

1. How long did you struggle through infertility?

About 6 years. I turned 29 and DH and I decided it was time to start our family. After establishing careers, holidays and buying our home – children were next on the cards.

 2. What did you go through (as far as treatments, different doctors, adoptions agencies, etc.)?

The first year was the ‘see what happens approach’. I also saw my local GP and had blood tests and an untrasound done to check that I had a functional reproductive system. All results came back excellent. By the second year I began monitoring my cycles more regularly with OPK’s, and tempting as well as taking over the counter supplements. My husband finally had his sperm tested. All was well there too. This year also introduced ‘robot sex’ – basically baby dancing was timed and only occurred strategically during ovulation time. Towards the beginning of the third year it was apparent that something was wrong. A laparoscopy identified endometriosis which affected 40% of my fertility. Laser surgery removed it and we again tried naturally. I then embarked on intrauterine insemination (IUI). 3 cycles of this were unsuccessful. My fertilty specialist didn’t want to pursue this treatment anymore and by the 4th year I began the tumultuous journey of IVF and FET. My first cycle produced 16 follicles with 7 eventually making it to the embryo stage. I also had a mild case of ovarian hyperstimulation. 2 fresh embryos were transferred. This was unsuccessful. The followong 3 months were medicated frozen embryos transfers, again twins were transferred however the last month was cancelled as the last remaining embryo did not survive the thaw. I received this phone call from the clinic only a few minutes before I got there. I then embarked on another IVF, again the same results with 16 follicles retrieved and only one embryo making it to transfer, this embryo was a blastocycst as opposed to the first round which were all day 2/3 transfers.

 Failed and on the brink of depression. Finances were tight and our relationship was losing its grip. I decided to take a break from the assisted reproductive technologies and took on a holistic approach to my fertility. I starting seeing a counsellor as well as taking Chinese herbs. By the end of the 5th year I fell pregnant having only been taking the herbs for one cycle. This PG unfortunately ended in miscarriage at 7 weeks. I continued with the herbs and also introduced a personal trainer to my new gym routine. I ate healthy, exercised and overall felt great about myself. On New Years Eve 2008 as the 6th year of infertility came to a close I saw again the two lines which confirmed a pregnancy. I was only 2 weeks away from starting another IVF cycle. My miracle arrived at age 36 on the 8th September 2009. One day before my wedding anniversary. Callum is Gaelic Heritage meaning Dove – The Harbinger of HOPE. He was 4.16kg and 52cm long. I had an emergency c-section after being induced and diagnosed with gestational diabetes.

 3. How did you handle disappointments through your cycles (natural and otherwise) or months of waiting?

There were a lot of tears shed. The first year was obviously the easiest. Most couples take only 20% to conceive in the first year of trying. I was older so I knew it wasn’t going to be easy for me. As the years went on each failed month of naturally trying was dreadful. Each IUI, IVF or FET was met with sadness and hostility toward myself for leaving it to a later age. Guilt ridden and always anxious. I am not your poster girl for handling disappointment too well. I’m also the kind of person who puts other people first. My husband and family were also devastated and I usually consoled them more than myself.

 4. What were the ‘stress-free’ techniques that you tried that helped you get through the cycle or time (yoga, meditation, acupuncture, support through family, friends & on-line, etc.)?

It wasn’t till I started the Chinese herbs towards the end of the 6 years and started going to the gym and exercising that I finally felt stress-free. Having those endorphins pump through you is exhilarating and making love more enjoyable and less “robotic”. Acupuncture was also accompanied with the herbs but I can’t say whether I felt anything different from this treatment. My gym routine also included pilates which is great for stretching and relaxing. I also joined an online support forum that helped me immensely as a long term trying to conceive and miscarriage survivor. I still keep in contact with some of those members who have become an integral part of my life.

5. If you could give advice for couples going through infertility now, what would it be?

Regardless of your diagnosis for infertility I believe that exercise, eating healthy and having other interests and hobbies other than trying to have a baby is paramount.

If you find yourself not being able to cope, on the brink of depression that you can’t seem to get out of – please see a counsellor. I believe talking to someone else other than your partner, friend or other family member puts this issue into perspective and gives you the opportunity to truly let go of any negative feelings.

Trying all methods/options as possible. I literally tried everything and anything. If I did go on to do the 3rd cycle of IVF and it failed, I probaly would have considered surrogacy or adoption.

Never give up on HOPE. Never.

 Please read the full story of her IF Journey here. 

  

Thanks so much Athena! Your son is adorable! ;-)

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Lovin’ The Gist Fam, Erika, and mare!

Dec 13th, 2010
by Krissi.
No comments yet

It’s Blog Love time again!

engagement layoutFirst up is The Gist Fam! She just posted some wise words from Laura Bush’s recent book that are quite touching. She also just started a fertility cycle so go send her some love and support! Good luck!

 1MerryHeaderNext we have Erika from Life with Endometriosis and PCOS. She just got some results back from a thyroid test and an HSG and is feeling “up in the air.” She also recently opened up to lots of co-workers, family and friends and shared news about trying again. So go support her and send her some love!

  meAnd last we have mare from Just Beginning.  She is at the beginning of a 2ww after a recent IUI. She is trying to be hopeful but is having a tough time right now, scared of a negative result right before the Christmas. S0 go send her some love and support!

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Meet Anne!

Oct 10th, 2010
by Krissi.
No comments yet
It’s Success Story time! Meet Anne Brennan Belden. She is a life coach and writes at Sea Changes Life Coaching. She struggled with infertility more than 20 years ago at the forefront of ART. This incredible story takes on a different format than an interview. Enjoy! ;-)
In 1985 I was 29 , had  been married just one year and fully confident that   2 jobs + settling home – birth control would = baby in no time.
Our family building journey lasted 10 years. Our son was finally born  4 years after we began,   and we adopted our daughter in 1995 from China. My kids are now 21 and 15 and I have loved every day ,  (though not every moment !!) of my role as a parent, just as I imagined I would. 
Back then, the top infertility MD had a rule that he wouldn’t even set up an appt until the couple had been “trying” 12 months. By then I was 30, and next course of treatment was taking my temp for another 6 months, charting ovulation and being sure we had our timing right. Things moved much slower back then which was very difficult. Fast forward through a hysterosalpingogram (normal) , sperm analysis (normal), endometrial biopsy (normal) and exploratory laproscopy,  to finally get  a diagnosis of minor endometriosis – nothing that should have prevented pregnancy. By now it was 2 1/2 years since we had begun our quest. At the time Clomid was in, but our MD knew we were becoming anxious and so we began Pergonal  - an injectable in the Menotropin family, used to stimulate hormones to produce multiple follicles. At the time, Pergonal was considered the “big guns.” Three  emotional cycles of Pergonal and I was finally pregnant – 3 years and 3 months after we began. Nine months later with supportive hormones along the way,  we had our healthy baby. 
What got me through those 3 plus years was reaching out to my friends constantly; telling them about what was happening and pulling them into my circle with my very supportive husband. Things like meditation, acupuncture, yoga were not on my radar and never mentioned by my MD. The other thing that was of huge support was RESOLVE. I got very involved on our local board, went to support groups. I helped to organize a conference and found much solace in being with other women desperately trying to conceive.
When my son was a year we began trying to conceive again. Our MD thought this would be easier, we would go right to Pergonal and since I had had a successful birth, he felt that was a very good omen. Five years later, 5 Pergonal cycles, a 12 week miscarriage, another 9 Pergonal cycles including  frequent hyperstimulated ovaries, then onto 2 GIfT cycles and finally 3 IVF cycles and I came up against my physical and emotional limits. Looking back, I am amazed at my fortitude. My son was a huge joy to me and just looking at him gave me hope. Hoping and Believing were my closest and most trusted allies, besides my husband. I had always envisioned at least 2 kids, if not 3 or 4, and I never let go of believing that I would have those 2 kids, somehow.   I  also began practicing visualizations once I began IVF to imagine the strong hormones as my friend, not foe. I needed to do that because I was beginning to get worried about the  long term drug effects. My friends, though all pregnant several times over by now, continued to be my lifeline. I let them know what was hard , where I needed their support and even had my medical friends give me injections when my husband wasn’t home. I let them also know when their fertility was hard for me. I spoke out, I asked for what I needed.  After my miscarriage I also decided to do something bigger than me. I lived in a small community with few resources for families and so I put all my external energy into starting an organization for families – a toy library. I knew I had to get ” out of myself” and turn my focus outward. My miscarriage at 12 weeks was devastating after so many Pergonal cycles and depression perched like a bird on a brittle branch. I was determined not to let that branch break . I knew the key was for me to control my fertility, not for my INfertility to control me. I had to beef up my sense of being in charge of my life and building this organization gave me something larger than myself. 
Just a month after our final failed IVF, the three of us went to a Chinese New Year celebration ,  and fell in love with all 40 beautiful little adopted Chinese girls. That was February 1995. I pulled our documents together and  seven months later we travelled to China to adopt Lydia Nanfeng, our 6 month old ” buddha baby.” I was in love with her the moment I saw her postage stamp size photo in our faxed assignment letter. 
The rest of my story is one of any family….. filled with joys, challenges, stresses and an  overall  sense of gratitude  It is not the family I first envisoned 25 years ago, AND it is a family I adore and  for which I am completely grateful. 
As a Coach working with women experiencing fertility challenges and trying to adopt, I draw on my own history, but it is far enough in the past that my own  emotional work  was done long ago. I focus on mindfulness, finding joy, mining values and understanding the importance of making decisions based on our own, not others, and a lot of body work – listening to the knowing of our bodies as our most trusted guide. Our lives are  often not what we imagine them to be in the beginning, but we can  create something   brilliant  and even more wonderful! 
Anne Brennan Belden
anne
Thanks so much for sharing Anne!
Please go to her website to check out life coaching!
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Blog Love & Memoir Monday

Jul 12th, 2010
by Krissi.
3 comments

   So, if you’ve been following me for a while, you’re probably aware that I do Blog Love Mondays where I feature one blogger in the blogoshpere randomly selected from my sidebar. It helps me and all of you get to know a fellow blogger a little better. And although I LOVE writing these, they take a LOT of time, sometimes several hours because I try to read many, many posts to get a good feel of this blogger and their situation. And, well, while working on my memoir, there has been little time for that. So, recently I decided to write about my memoir on Mondays. But I promised to only do that for a month and well, time is up…

  So, I decided to continue Blog Love Monday but in a slightly different way (at least until I finish my memoir). I will randomly select 3 blogs from my Awesome Blogs  (which includes those with buttons) and “check in” to give you a bit of information on who this blogger is and what they’re up to. This would be much more manageable for me!! (*And I promise to get to do a full blog love post of these bloggers sometime in the future so don’t worry about not getting your just dessert!)

  So, without further adieu, here they are! Read on and then go and give them some blog love!!

    What If Thumbnail 150pxFirst up is Keiko from Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed who also happens to be the creator of “What If: A Portrait of Infertility,” an award winning video that’s inspiring thousands. She is house hunting (and just had an offer accepted) and in April, she started the road to adoption. She also recently became the newest member of  RESOLVE of New England Board of directors and she is working on a blogger network. So, if you are living in the New England area and you have a blog or would love to find out more about the other blogs on the list, go to her newest post for more info.

  His & Her Infertility

 Secondly, is PCOS Chick from His & Hers Infertility. She also happens to be pursuing adoption and recently started a homestudy. She is a little stressed out about an upcoming surgery that she may have to endure because of her endometriosis. Did you know she loves dancing? Read her most recent post to get to know more about her (and her childhood).

 

  DSCN1425And last but not least is Angie from Random Thoughts from Angie. She just celebrated her 3 year anniversary!  She recently posted a beautiful poem about friendship that’s worth a read. To get to know more about Angie, go to her recent Fab 5 post. And, if you grew up in the 80s or early 90s (like I did) you will want to read her newest post! It’s pretty funny!

By the way, all of these ladies are also on the ICLW list for this month! Happy Monday!! ;-)

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Meet Jess!

Jul 11th, 2010
by Krissi.
2 comments

  It’s Success Story Sunday and thankfully due to the time and dedication to several women wanting to share their story, I have another new one today and even stories lined up for the next couple of weeks!! ;-)   If you want to share your story, please follow the format of these questions and e-mail the answers plus (if you wouldn’t mind) a pic or 2 to sfinfertility[at]optimum[dot]net. Thank you!!

A Greater YesToday, Meet Jess! She blogs at A Greater Yes. Her journey was long and hard but has a happy ending. Read on for her wonderful story!

1. How long did you struggle through infertility?

My name is Jess and I have been married to my hubby for 12 years next month. I feel way too young to have been married this long!!! Hubby and I began ttc just a few months after we got married and like all naive newlyweds we were certain that it would only take a month. Two at the most. HA! I think that joke was on us!!

2. What did you go through (as far as treatments, different doctors, adoptions agencies, etc.) ?

Even before the year mark my impatient self jumped on the infertility roller coaster and began testing. I could list all of the tests that we both had but that would take you an hour to read. And let’s face it, it is just not that interesting!! But the results were b-a-d! ME: endo, mild PCOS, blocked tube (with good ovary) and damaged ovary (with blocked tube, go figure!). And if all of that wasn’t enough hubby started out with a low sperm count to slowly morph into a count of zero. Big fat goose egg!!!

So what’s a girl to do with poor quality eggs that can’t get through and no sperm?? You adopt! Or at least you attempt it. Two disastrous attempts later we are back at square one. So our next step was to try donor sperm. Guess what?? That didn’t work either. By this time we had been married 10 years and I was in my 30′s and my clock was ticking loudly!! We were down to our last hope, IVF with donor sperm and possibly donor egg. The thoughts of it made me squeamish. To spend that much money and still no guarantee of a baby?? We just couldn’t afford to do that and began thinking about maybe trying adoption again. We ended up doing the best of both worlds: Embryo Adoption! Not only would we adopt a child but I would have the opportunity to carry the baby. How awesome is that??

In June of 2009 we began our journey of embryo adoption. I had surgery in July and had to wait 3 months to heal and for the call for an embryo match. Two weeks before I was physically ready to begin we got “the call”. We accepted the embryos and things moved very quickly from there. On 12/12/09 we had two precious little embryos placed in my womb. Six days later I saw something I had never seen before: Two Pink Lines!!! Another 9 tests and 2 blood tests confirmed it: We were PREGNANT! Sadly, one of our little embies did not survive but the other one is a determined a little bugger. I am currently 33 weeks pregnant with an adopted little girl. I am still in shock in awe! After 11 years of trying I had honestly given up all hope. We are forever thankful for the couple that selflessly donated their precious little snowflakes to us.

That about catches you up to date. Right now we are waiting on our little girl and I am learning how to fit in with fertiles. In my heart I am still the infertile gal sitting on the sidelines. I doubt that I will ever be completely comfortable in the fertile world and honestly, I am not sure if I want to be. I have the heart of an infertile, born from the pain and sorrow that only fellow infertiles can ever understand. Finding a new normal is not easy!

3. How did you handle disappointments through your cycles (natural and otherwise) or months of waiting?

I developed a great support system that helped me a lot during these times. Online infertility forums as well as the blogging community provided friends that understood what I was going through and what I feeling at any given time. Without these friends I would not have had the strength to continue after so many disappointments.

4. What were the ‘stress-free’ techniques that you tried that helped you get through the cycle or time (yoga, meditation, acupuncture, support through family, friends & on-line, etc.)?

In the beginning of our infertility journey I made choices as though I was a going to be a mother soon: bought a mini-van, did not pursue further education (I was going to be a SAHM),  would not choose a job that consumed much of my time, etc. After several years I realized that I was wasting precious days wishing for a baby when I could be living my life in the present. I decided to do some things that I couldn’t have done if I had had children: Bought a sporty car, focused on a career, took cake decorating classes, etc. I lived in the present and it was wonderful! During this time I also decided to use my experiences to reach others. I helped start an infertility support group, became a moderator of an infertility forum and began blogging. This was very cathartic for me and helped me through the trying times. My faith in Christ was a huge help as well.

5. If you could give advice for couples going through infertility now, what would it be?

Don’t give up!!! After 11 years of infertility, unsuccessful treatments and failed adoptions I honestly had no hope of ever having a child to fill our home and arms. Yet the desire for a child was still so strong and I just could not give up hope completely. Also, do not isolate yourself. Allow loved ones and friends as well as online friends to support you. Reach out to others that are hurting. Often we feel like we are alone in the journey, yet there are many, many others hurting as well. We only need to find them.

Thanks so much Jess! Please go to her blog if you want to follow her journey into motherhood!

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Meet Cyndi!

May 16th, 2010
by Krissi.
No comments yet

Today, Meet Cyndi! She went through 8 years of TTC and infertility and now has adorable boy/girl twins! Read on for her unbelievable story!

cyndi1.    How long did you struggle through infertility?

I believe we set some sort of record here with eight years.  In 2000, eight years after having a vasectomy, my husband had a vasectomy reversal.  We had a preliminary test performed and everything seemed in order.  My cycles were regular and I had a miscarriage at 23, so we knew I could get pregnant.

2.    What did you go through (as far as treatments, different doctors, adoptions agencies, etc.)?

After a couple of years of not getting pregnant after the reversal, I repeatedly asked my gynecologist if something could be “wrong” with me.  He repeatedly told me that because my cycles were regular, I had been pregnant before (although, a miscarriage), and my husband had previously had a vasectomy that my husband was probably the reason we could not get pregnant.

Five more years quickly went by, during that time I tried to follow the advice of most and not think about getting pregnant and then it would happen.  So, I focused on work, school, and my stepdaughters.  In addition, I found out I have a hypothyroid problem, which also leads to infertility.  I thought once that diagnosis was made I would get pregnant when my “TSH” levels were correct.  Another couple of years went by and I still did not get pregnant.  Again at the suggestion of my doctor, we paid for my husband to go to a urologist, which again, did us no good.  He told my husband he was going to have to go to a center downtown and provide a sample.  My husband was going to have to take another day off work.  He had not made it by the time the next part of the story happens.

This is one of the best parts of our story.  My youngest stepdaughter moved in with us.  I was going to take her to the doctor because she was having a problem with ovarian cysts.  She wanted to go to a female gynecologist and I was going to a male.  In the interest of time, I decided I would change gynecologists and made us both appointments at the same time.

The doctor walked in and said, “You are not on birth control?”  I said, “No.” She said with a, “ Are you crazy!” sound to her voice, “Do you want to get pregnant?”  I said, “Yes.”  She then got into that at my age if I wanted to get pregnant I needed get to it.  I told her I would gladly do so, but so far everything I had tried had not worked.  She then referred me to Dr. V. Schnell.  During this time I found out that my oldest stepdaughter was pregnant.

Within a couple a weeks, we had more answers than we had in years.  My husband’s “count” was higher than some men that have never had a vasectomy.  After eight years of us believing that my husband was the reason I had not gotten pregnant, it was all turned around after a few tests.  I had endometriosis, fibroids, and was not ovulating.

I had a laparoscopy because of the endometriosis and fibroids.  As I was healing from my surgery, I found out my sister-in-law was pregnant.  I started to be surrounded by pregnant women; a couple of women at work were pregnant along with the couple of close family members I mentioned.  Even after trying all those years I never really noticed women being pregnant until I truly started the process of dealing with infertility.  I joked with my Mom that even her donkey was pregnant.  I had my hopes up after the laparoscopy, but it did not work.

Dr. Schnell suggested we do an intrauterine insemination (IUI).  She said she did not expect it would work and she was up front with that; however, it would help her gather more data for in vitro fertilization (IVF).  We did the IUI at the end of 2007.  I could not help myself, my hopes were up after the IUI.  During this time, I had a couple of friends going through the process as well.  One  was doing so based off me being so open about my situation.  She and her husband had been trying for over a year. When I told her what was going on with us, she decided they might need to look into their situation.  We had worked together and she had moved to a different position after we had discussed it.  I actually “ran into her” at the doctor’s office and we kept in touch again.  The other was a friend of my pregnant sister-in-law.

The IUI failed and I did my first IVF in January 2008, which also failed.  The doctor even mentioned trying again with donor eggs, and we did discuss trying that.  One of my friends did her IVF in February and it worked.  The other friend was in March and it worked.  I tried IVF again in April and it worked!

Just about everyone I know jokes about my math, because I am horrible at it.  Let us hope my babies got their father’s math gene.  The two friends that completed IVF at the same time I did had two eggs transferred and was successful with one baby.  We wanted twins, yes, you read that right, we wanted twins.  It had been such a long and hard road to get to this point and we wanted more than one child so they would have a close sibling. With my math because my friends had two transferred and had one baby I wanted to have four transferred and have twins.

My “HCG” level when they tested me the second time was actually four digits (over 4,000) whereas, most people would be in the hundreds.  That was our first indication that there was probably more than one, but we did not know how many more than one.  My work actually created a “pool” on how many babies I would have.  My math worked!  We have our beautiful, sweet, and smart boy/girl twins!

My husband wanted me to add a story that happened to him during the second IVF. The Thursday before my pregnancy test on Monday, there was a book fair at my husband’s office building, they never have anything he is interested in; but, he never fails to stop and take a look. This time he found two books that he had never seen before, he bought the books; but did not tell me until after the test. The books are titled: “The dangerous book for boys.” and “The daring book for girls.” From that point my husband felt certain that we were going to get our eight year wish of having boy girl twins.

3.    How did you handle disappointments through your cycles (natural and otherwise) or months of waiting.

Disappointments were hard and staying hopeful was just as hard.  I will admit that I bought more than my fair share of pregnancy tests over the eight years.  I would throw myself into the rest of my life that I found gratifying whether it be work, school, my marriage, my stepdaughters, or my family.  If I could not be a mother, I at least wanted to be the best of everything that I could be, employee, student, wife, stepmother, sister, and daughter.

4.    What were the ‘stress-free’ techniques that you tried that helped you get through the cycle or time (yoga, meditation, acupuncture, support through family, friends & on-line, etc.)

I did yoga and acupuncture.  My husband filled my mp3 player with “special” relaxing music for me to listen to during my IVF transfers.  I had a cousin that lived in Panama City and she was pregnant with her first (like I said even the donkey was pregnant) and surprisingly, reading her post about her successful pregnancy gave me hope to post about my own pregnancy someday.  I also made a wallpaper for my computer that said “My time is coming.”  Someone else might not know what that meant, but I did.

One night, my husband and I discussed what the nursery would look like.  I had my husband help me because he is so much more imaginative than me.  His participation in that also helped me feel that I was not dealing with the situation alone, he was there planning with me.

Part of my way of handling stress was to treat dealing with the infertility as another job.  It may sound cold, but that was my way of coping.  I tend to deal with things in a more logical than emotional way.  I did listen to my heart instead of my head regarding the second IVF; however, for the doctor appointments, shots, and things like that I addressed it as a job.  That was one of the main ways I coped with the stress.

Also, I watched the movie “The Secret” at least a couple of times which also helped with handling dissapointments.

5.    If you could give advice for couples going through infertility now, what would it be?

The main things I would suggest to couples going through infertility is to be sure that you have a doctor you are comfortable with and make sure both partners are checked, even if everything seems “normal” for one.

Do everything possible the first attempt, such as in my case the “glue” and Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI).  If the doctor says you cannot, question why not.

Keep a positive attitude!

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Thanks so much for sharing Cyndi! Your twins are adorable! ;-)

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Meet Laura!

May 9th, 2010
by Krissi.
3 comments

   First, I want to wish everyone out there a Happy Mother’s Day! Whether you are still on your journey to becoming a mother, crossing over, or finally a mother after a long road of infertility ~ live for the moment and appreciate the day!  Miracles come into our lives in all kinds of ways. Stay strong!

   So for Success Story Sunday, Meet Laura! She blogs at Please Let This Be It. And after 2 years of infertility, she is now 18 weeks pregnant! She has an incredible story and wonderful advice!

IMG00518-20100428-145111. How long did you struggle through infertility? 2 years

2. What did you go through (as far as treatments, different doctors, etc.) ? After TTC on our own without protection for 6 months with no result, my OBGYN told me to try charting. I did that for another 4 months. Still nothing. My regular OBGYN ran some tests but according to her all looked ok. She referred us to an RE and in April 2009 we went to see our Miracle doctor. Many (painful) tests later we discovered that one of my tubes was closed and one was damaged possibly by endometriosis. I also have a retroverted uterus but that is not much of an issue, I just never knew about it. Given the fact that my tubes are closed our only option of getting pregnant was IVF. After we had some time to think things over, we were ready to start IVF. Then during my routine day 3 baseline check up, my FSH came up really high for my age. So my doctor sent me for an AMH test to see how my ovarian reserve looked like and it looked “poor/diminishing”. I was in complete shock. Here I was at 28 with DOR. It took a while to get my head around this but we decided to carry on with this cycle. Given my high FSH, she said my only option to get a response would be to do the super strong 6 vials a day of Menopur ~ aMicrodose Flare Protocol. The cycle went really well and it was smooth sailing. No complications, no side effects, the ER went really well and we ended up with 11 eggs. We did a 3 day transfer and waited. In the meantime we heard that they were able to freeze 4 embryos for later use. On the day of the beta we got a BFN. The heartbreak was a lot to take so we decided to take a break and think things over. After some time off we agreed to start with another fresh cycle in January 2010 after the holidays. We need time in between to relax and have some away time from all things TTC.

The second cycle went wrong from the beginning. The injections that D administered to me every night hurt more and I bruised so much. I was also not responding well to the drugs so they had to increase my dosage and I had to stay on the meds for a lot longer than last time. The ER went badly as my right ovary was hidden and the pain was so severe I woke up in the middle of it. They had to give me another dosage. Poor D had to witness all of this and was hurting for my pain. Our miracle doctor recovered 10 eggs and out of those 9 were mature. I developed a mild case of OHSS and was in agony and drank Gatorade for 2 days straight. (YUCK!!)We insisted on getting a 5 day transfer rather than a 3 day and on day 5 there were two super star blasts that were just waiting for us. We had no embryos to freeze because the government decided it’s illegal to store embryos. (that’s a whole different topic on its own.) We saw them going back inside my uterus and it was amazing. I started POAS from the day before ET in order to test out the trigger. I was not going to get surprised like last time, this time I was going to be prepared. I was on 2 high dosages of progesterone a day and 1 weekly top up shot. Well 4 days post transfer I saw my first ever super faint BFP. I could not believe this would be it and broke down on several occasion until my beta which proved that I was indeed PREGNANT!! Here I am 18 weeks pregnant and still cannot believe it! Miracles do happen every day.

3. How did you handle disappointments through your cycles (natural and otherwise)?I suppose in the last 2 years I went through all sorts of different disappointments and as much as I trained myself not to become too hopeful I failed miserably every month. I suppose what you learn is coping mechanisms to deal with disappointment. I remember how many tears I shed in the very beginning because despite charting, lifting my legs after sex, trying different positions, taking special vitamins and praying more than I ever prayed.. my cycle would show up on time every month. Every month I would calculate when our baby would be due if we got lucky and what star sign he/she would be. I would join the due date month of the baby on BBC and meet other women who were also waiting to see if they got pregnant. Of course the heartbreak of always being the one that has to leave the group got to me. Eventually I stopped joining groups and started writing my own diary to keep track of my emotions and what I was experiencing. That helped a lot in dealing with the pain in a more constructive way.

   I also avoided situations like baby showers or get togethers where everyone would single us out as the couple with no kids. I learned that during this time my emotions came first. It was hard enough having to deal with infertility without being reminded of it by complete strangers. I cried and confided a lot in D. And even though at times it was so overwhelming, knowing we were going through this together made it less painful. We also took a lot of breaks whether they included actual travel or just breaks from TTC and used this time to have some Laura and D time away from the madness. Recovering from the heartbreak of the first failed IVF cycle took a lot more work and effort. There are no words to describe how I felt. The pain would hit me at odd times during the day and night. I would be ok one moment, super angry the next and crying the next. I hated my body and hated the fact that it had let me down once again. It was not an easy time and I didn’t want to speak to anyone except for D because as much as I was mourning he was too. He was the only one that knew what we had been through and felt my pain. We gave it time and took a break again and spent time just being us. We only started speaking about trying again after a month. We were too broken to even think of trying again before then and it actually took us another 3 months before we started IVF again. The hardest part is allowing yourself to hope again. Part of me never wanted to be hopeful again. I hated the disappointment of starting a cycle thinking this would be the one that worked and for it to end badly again. Then again I believe that if you don’t allow yourself to go into it with at least a little bit of hope, you might as well not start at all. I think whether you are TTC naturally or with help, you are bound to have disappointments, how you deal with them is a personal choice. You need to allow your emotions to be your guide and go with what helps.

4. What were the ‘stress-free’ techniques that you tried that helped you get through the cycle (yoga, meditation, acupuncture, support through family, friends & on-line, etc.)? I wanted to try acupuncture with my second IVF cycle but then I could not find a centre specialized in acupuncture so I gave it a miss. What I did do was listen to meditation/visualization tapes that I downloaded online. They are aimed at people doing IVF so you listen to one particular track at atime. I didn’t take it that seriously with the first cycle but with my second I paid more attention and listened to them almost religiously, once at work and once at night. D would do my nightly injections and then I would go to our spare room with all the lights off and listen and meditate. Sometimes I would doze off, other times I would cry throughout them but most of the time I would emerge from my meditation with a newly found sense of peace. They worked so well with me that I have now purchased the pregnancy mediation tapes that I listen to mostly every day.. they help especially when I am having a bad day and I freak out that there is something wrong with Peanut.

    I have also connected with lots of strong and amazing women who cheered me on every step of the day. Even during my darkest days they were there to show me that miracles happen every day and to keep on believing. I am not in any IVF groups as most of my Girls have moved on from there but we are all still in touch by email or Facebook. They are the first I want to tell good news to and the ones that understand why during some days I still cannot believe this has happened and that I am really pregnant.

   My family helped in other ways. They never really understood why this was happening to us and felt so bad for what we were going through. They were really supportive of us and even if they didn’t ask about how the cycles were going etc they were there for me if I wanted to talk. They prayed a lot too and are still praying for a healthy and happy 9 months.

5. If you could give advice for couples going through infertility now, what would it be?

• Do you own research. If the doctor tells you have several issues preventing you from getting pregnant, do your research.Find out if the tests/treatments that your doctor is advising are necessary or appropriate. If in doubt be ready to get a second or third opinion. My doctor wanted me to do a laparoscopy after my first failed IVF cycle and I refused because after doing my own research I found out that the likelihood of finding something that prevented implantation was really rare. Go to your doctor with a list of question and if they are good doctors they will take the time to answer your questions. Do your own research on those questions so that you can expect what kind of answer you want to hear. Be ready to question the answer you don’t agree with or don’t understand.

• Be your own advocate. As scary as it might be at first, speak up. You are going to be the one going through the treatments, if something does not feel right, be prepared to say something. Don’t wait. If you read that day 5 transfers or day 3 are more likely to end up in a BFP speak up and ask your doctor if this could be considered as an option for your particular case. We insisted on getting a day 5 transfer even if my doctor normally does day 3 and we got it and it worked for us. Speak up!

• If someone makes you feel less of a woman because you are 25/29/35 etc and don’t have children yet or makes a comment about infertility, ask them what they mean? Ask them what they know on the subject to pass judgment. I told a “friend “we were doing IVF and she said, “once you are pregnant no one has to know how you got here.” I was shocked and angry and I replied that I had nothing to be ashamed of. I now tell everyone that his baby was a miracle baby because against all odds she made it to us through IVF. Don’t be ashamed of infertility.

• Make a list of all the “silly” advice that people give you in order to help you conceive and laugh about it. I am sure we have heard them all from the “just relax” to the “get drunk” to “adopt and it’ll happen”. If all of us made a list of all the stupid things people tell us to try or do we could go around the world a couple of times! Laugh these things out and don’t let them get to you. If they get to you or the person is persistent, set them straight.

• Allow your emotions to come out. Don’t suppress how you feel. Whether you can speak to your partner or a friend or whether it’s through blogging or other IF girls.

• Don’t forget your husband is going through this too. He might have a different way of showing his emotions or letting them out, but he is suffering too. I will never forget the look on D’s face when the doctor looked out our test and said it was negative. It was as if all the blood was drained from his face. His eyes looked so sad. Don’t forget to ask them how they feel too.

• Find time to be just you and your partner. Infertility and TTC can do damage to relationship and it’s essential you are willing to take a step back and reassess things with your partner. Spend some time just the two of you for a while without talking (I know you are always thinking about it!) infertility and TTC.

• Be good and love yourself. I know firsthand how much guilt we can carry around with us if the reason we cannot conceive is mainly something to do with us. Release those feelings of guilt, it’s not your fault things are the way they are. They just are. You cannot go back in time and you might never know why this is happening. Accept that things will not change just because you beat yourself up. Speak to your partner about how you feel. Speak up about your fears and once they are out they will seem less real. Your partner is with you for you not because you looked like an ideal baby making machine!

• As a subpart to the point above – find time for some “ me” time. Whether it’s reading a book that has nothing to do with TTC or getting a mani/pedi with a friend, getting your hair cut, getting a massage or blogging. Do something for you because you deserve it and because even Superheroes need breaks!

Thanks so much Laura! This advice is so thoughtful & well written! ;-)

If you want to follow her journey into motherhood, go to her blog: Please Let This Be It.

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Lovin’ Suzy!

Mar 29th, 2010
by Krissi.
3 comments

   Suzy1Today, on Blog Love Monday, I am lovin’ Suzy from not a fertile myrtle. Suzy has been blogging since May of ’09 and been on and off TTCing for the 19 years of her marriage. She lives with her husband Ike, who battles azoospermia, (while she battles PCOS & endometriosis), and her dog Marty Mischief. Suzy has tried IUI with donor sperm, acupuncture and has seriously considered adoption. To get to know Suzy even better, go to: get to know us abc style and for her full IF history go to: back in the stirrups?

    She is a free spirit (who doesn’t quite care for proper capitalization) and loves to be creative! Besides knitting (which is a true passion), she also loves rubber stamping and making cards. Suzy shows off her creations by participating in Mel’s Show and Tell and tells us little bits of herself through Friday 5 . I love how she sees knitting as a metaphor for life, weaving in and out of the pattern through all it’s ups and downs.

   One post really spoke to me because she wrote about how her husband feels so guilty because he “can’t give me what I want…a child.” *I think my husband has had similar feelings as mentioned in posts from last week.* But I love when she wrote: “I always remind him that HE is what I want. Kids are icing on the cake of life.”That is just so sweet!

    In the same post she wrote about her own guilt when her donor-sperm IUIs didn’t work and she felt like a failure. I, too felt that way when my IVF cycles were negative. I’m sure many of us can relate to Suzy. And that’s why she says she loves the blogging world because she ‘makes connections and eliminates the isolation.’

   Another post that spoke to me was: show and tell: daddy’s girl. I connected with Suzy as she wrote about the passing of her father as it reminded me of the passing of my mom. I, too feel “robbed of precious moments” and it broke my heart to read of her grief because I know it all too well.

  On a lighter note, I’ve noticed that many bloggers don’t insert pictures into their posts. But I truly appreciate a scenic view of some-one’s life story! And Suzy does not disappoint! Between adorable pics of her pup, trips, and other funny pictures…she lets you in visually and metaphorically.

   One inspiring idea I love: On the day she decided to pursue more donor IUIs last month, she added a charm to her Pandora bracelet. The charm is appropriately named *Journey.* We are with you on your journey Suzy! Good luck with your next IUI! :-)

   And if you’re looking for a yummy recipe, check out Suzy’s other blog: Recipes from Ike & Suzy’s kitchen.

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