Spring has arrived and Passover, Easter and many other warm weather fun family functions will be coming up soon! So, we are discussing the dreaded topic: Your In-laws. Family has been a topic before but this is a rather sensitive subject because your significant other may or may not share your worries or dismay. Here’s some helpful advice:
Monster-in-Law, New Line Cinema
Facing the In-Laws at family functions can be brutal. And, while it may be a short term occurrence, it can also come with extra, unwanted stress leading up to the event, during and even after it is over when you replay it over in your mind.
It may seem obvious, but the main reason your in-laws could get under your skin is that they may not really know you. They aren’t your family, they are your significant other’s. So, they weren’t raised with you, know your personality inside and out and understand what inspires you, bothers you or what could totally set you off. Without knowing it, they can push buttons that can send you over the edge and combined with an assortment of hormones that you could possibly be taking, this has the potential for disaster. Remember this and keep it in mind when your mother-in-law makes a comment about your childhood traditions or when your brother-in-law pokes fun at your job, house, city, etc. because he knows this will egg on your partner.
And of course, your anxiety is most probably heightened because of the comments swarming around the fact that you haven’t blessed them with grand-kids, nieces or nephews. It is understandable that they are curious (whether you told them about your infertility or not) and they may have questions. Let’s break this down among generations shall we?
Your MIL and FIL most likely didn’t have trouble conceiving. After all, they had your significant other and any other BIL or SIL that may get on your nerves. But if it did take a while to get pregnant, there were very little options available to them. The advice that they most likely got was to “be patient.” So, whether they are unaware or a have a complete lack of understanding of the latest medical technologies out there, this little (and rather annoying) advice is what they most likely will bestow onto you as well. It rings true however and as my mother always said, “Patience is a virtue.” (She comes from a much older and perhaps wiser generation.) So, be patient with them. They are only human and ignorant to the real pain you keep so well hidden.
Your BIL(s) or SIL(s) may or may not have a gaggle of kids that prance around all adorable like for you to fawn over. If they do, they may say some exhausted comment (that many overwhelmed parents say that you may take as completely ridiculous) and/or they may swing the other way and try to tell you all the things you may be lucky for because you don’t have kids (which you may take as totally insensitive). Either of these can drive any infertile nuts, especially when it’s “family” and you have to maintain composure to save face. The difference is, this generation, your generation has so much more exposure to infertility and it’s extensive treatments. And whether they have some knowledge of it through the media (gasp!), or through friends, other family members or even you, they may actually be a better sounding board than you think. If you haven’t yet, let them in if you feel comfortable enough. You may be surprised at the response and support that you may get.
And in the end, family functions come and go and this one too shall pass. You make choices whether to associate with your in-laws or not (based on distance, finances, temperament, personality, grudges, etc.). But, try to avoid rifts when you can because just as this holiday and/or family function will pass, so will your infertility. Perhaps at the next one, you will have a little one to tag along with you and then all the attention (thank goodness!) will be diverted to him/her/them. 
Tomorrow, come back for ways to survive the in-laws….and PLEASE feel free to add your own!
So, whether it’s ignorance, misinformation, assumptions, prior knowledge about a past friend’s successes, or just plain lack of education about the infertile world…some of the following comments can crawl into our soul and tear apart the very thin threads that are holding us together any moment out of any given day. And whether we roll our eyes, make a nasty, cynical remark, smile and nod while screaming inside or run to the bathroom to sob in a stall, they all sting. 
When people are thrust into the harsh, cruel world of infertility, they are typically surrounded by ignorance. It’s not an insult. It’s a simple truth that if a person isn’t fully immersed in the process, (and most people aren’t) then they usually lack the knowledge and information that the average infertile obsesses over on a daily basis.
On Sundays, I feature a success story and on Mondays I feature one infertility blog at random from my sidebar. If you or someone you know has had success, send them or go 
Facing the In-Laws
Spring has arrived and Passover, Easter and many other warm weather fun family functions will be coming up soon! So, we are discussing the dreaded topic: Your In-laws. Family has been a topic before but this is a rather sensitive subject because your significant other may or may not share your worries or dismay. Here’s some helpful advice:
Monster-in-Law, New Line Cinema
Facing the In-Laws at family functions can be brutal. And, while it may be a short term occurrence, it can also come with extra, unwanted stress leading up to the event, during and even after it is over when you replay it over in your mind.
It may seem obvious, but the main reason your in-laws could get under your skin is that they may not really know you. They aren’t your family, they are your significant other’s. So, they weren’t raised with you, know your personality inside and out and understand what inspires you, bothers you or what could totally set you off. Without knowing it, they can push buttons that can send you over the edge and combined with an assortment of hormones that you could possibly be taking, this has the potential for disaster. Remember this and keep it in mind when your mother-in-law makes a comment about your childhood traditions or when your brother-in-law pokes fun at your job, house, city, etc. because he knows this will egg on your partner.
And of course, your anxiety is most probably heightened because of the comments swarming around the fact that you haven’t blessed them with grand-kids, nieces or nephews. It is understandable that they are curious (whether you told them about your infertility or not) and they may have questions. Let’s break this down among generations shall we?
Your MIL and FIL most likely didn’t have trouble conceiving. After all, they had your significant other and any other BIL or SIL that may get on your nerves. But if it did take a while to get pregnant, there were very little options available to them. The advice that they most likely got was to “be patient.” So, whether they are unaware or a have a complete lack of understanding of the latest medical technologies out there, this little (and rather annoying) advice is what they most likely will bestow onto you as well. It rings true however and as my mother always said, “Patience is a virtue.” (She comes from a much older and perhaps wiser generation.) So, be patient with them. They are only human and ignorant to the real pain you keep so well hidden.
Your BIL(s) or SIL(s) may or may not have a gaggle of kids that prance around all adorable like for you to fawn over. If they do, they may say some exhausted comment (that many overwhelmed parents say that you may take as completely ridiculous) and/or they may swing the other way and try to tell you all the things you may be lucky for because you don’t have kids (which you may take as totally insensitive). Either of these can drive any infertile nuts, especially when it’s “family” and you have to maintain composure to save face. The difference is, this generation, your generation has so much more exposure to infertility and it’s extensive treatments. And whether they have some knowledge of it through the media (gasp!), or through friends, other family members or even you, they may actually be a better sounding board than you think. If you haven’t yet, let them in if you feel comfortable enough. You may be surprised at the response and support that you may get.
And in the end, family functions come and go and this one too shall pass. You make choices whether to associate with your in-laws or not (based on distance, finances, temperament, personality, grudges, etc.). But, try to avoid rifts when you can because just as this holiday and/or family function will pass, so will your infertility. Perhaps at the next one, you will have a little one to tag along with you and then all the attention (thank goodness!) will be diverted to him/her/them.
Tomorrow, come back for ways to survive the in-laws….and PLEASE feel free to add your own!