Becoming Empowered When You Feel Powerless
OK, so apparently I miscalculated on my memoir in progress and I didn’t write up until my first daughter’s birth on page 67…it was only my first trimester. But this week, I did write up until her birth and now I am about half way through page 70. It’s a small progression and I am happy to move forward but I am VERY concerned about the deadline I gave myself since June is already half over…I really don’t see myself finishing this thing at this rate!! Well, I better get to it! 
Today, I’m lovin’ Andrea from Waiting For Baby (@Candidly_Andrea on Twitter). She’s a country girl at heart (living in the burbs) and has been blogging since December of ’09 and TTC for 3 years with unexplained infertility. Andrea has mapped out her TTC history through most of her December posts of last year. To learn more about her, read Andrea-ology.
One of the first things I noticed about Andrea is that she is a planner. (And since I’m not a great one, I greatly admire this quality in people.) And when you’re dealing with infertility, a lot of decisions are left up to the patient as opposed to the doctor and that can be extremely difficult especially when there is no crystal ball handy and there most certainly are no guarantees. But Andrea seems to be quite level-headed about it and even admits that her “perfect little plan may not end up ’perfect’.” She explains other worries that are real and relatable in: Spring is fast approaching. And Dreams was a wonderful recent post in which she writes about her plans for the future (and many include ways to ease stress!)
Another reason I love Andrea is how open & vulnerable she is. In the post: Lost: Emotions/Found: A wonderful community, she admits to crying herself to sleep which is something that many if us can relate to. But I also love that she pours out her emotions and seeks support through fellow infertiles she has met through blogging and on Tw.itt.er. Here she says, “to have the support and advice from others who I don’t even know personally is heartwarming.”
Andrea is so full of thoughts (as many infertiles are) and I love how she writes about them so poignantly. She wonders: “why is it that I can want all of the other things and be lucky enough to get them, but the one thing I want more than anything, I don’t have?” And in the same post about these thoughts, she has learned that “sometimes wanting something just isn’t enough.”
And I love when any infertile blogger writes about their inspirations, so of course, I loved when Andrea wrote about a sterling silver bracelet she bought at a jewelry party. It had 3 links in it with a word etched in each by hand: “Hope,” “Joy,” amd “Dream.” She decided ”it would be my little bit of inspiration that I can wear everyday to remind me of what my goal is – motherhood.” What’s even more precious is that she plans to hand it down to her child to ”let them know how much he/she was loved and wanted before he/she even existed.” (There’s a picture of it in the Dreams post mentioned above.)
So Andrea is currently on a natural cycle and doing acupuncture, eating gluten free (or mostly anyway) and taking supplements. She is waiting for baby to come naturally and if one doesn’t soon, she will most likely pursue IUI and then IVF. Cheer her on and read her blog! We love you Andrea!
I came across an awesome “What If” video from Keiko Zoll who blogs at Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed. It’s part of Project If started by Resolve & Stirrup Queen for National Infertility Awareness Week. It’s so powerful, insightful and definitely worth a look. Here’s the link:
*By the way, I know ICLW is technically over tomorrow, but I decided to extend my Giveaway until Friday! I am giving away a $5o A.MEX card to enjoy one of my 100 Ways to be Stress Free Through Infertility if you blog or tweet about a way you’ve tried…AND only a few people entered so you have a really good chance of winning!
This week’s news is all about National Infertility Awareness Week which starts tomorrow, April 24th and ends on May 1st! Melissa Ford (the wonderful Stirrup Queen herself!) gives us this great article about the awareness week which is sponsored by Resolve (The National Infertility Association). One great way to participate this week is to join Project IF . Another way is to showcase the awareness on your Twitter and Facebook updates. Read the article and get involved! We can make people aware one blog post, one update at a time.
If you’re here from ICLW, WELCOME! Please go here for my most recent post or here for my first intro post!
Today, I’m lovin’ Suzanne from My Life’s Journey. She’s been blogging since March of 2009 and has been TTC for five years. She works part-time in the children’s department at a library and she’s interested in photography, scrapbooking, reading, and swimming. She loves to hang out with her husband and take her dog, Midnight, out on walks. She has done 4 unsuccessful IUIs and an IVF that gave her a BFP but she unfortunately miscarried. Suzanne is planning another IVF this summer.
I love how she often writes how she’s going to take things “one day at a time” and realizes and reminds herself that “whatever will be, will be.” I understand how hard it is to relinquish control, but Suzanne handles this with ease and foresight into future plans. She tries to prepare for what her life may be like without children although it may be incredibly difficult. I think this makes her incredibly brave. And when she writes, “I’m trying to be positive, but realistic at the same time. It’s a difficult balance,” I know many of us can relate.
If you’ve ever experienced a miscarriage, then her posts will definitely pull at your heart strings. Although my chemical pregnancies were so early on, the heartache is familiar and I can only imagine the pain of how much harder it is to lose a baby further into the pregnancy. It is quite vulnerable to write about such raw emotion, but Suzanne is there, trying to make sense of it…pouring her soul on to the virtual page. It is admirable.
I love that she posts inspirational and comforting words and songs. She has posted Myley Cyrus’s song “The Climb” twice. I love that song and you will love it too and probably already do. Also, I LOVED that she posted the “Serenity Prayer.” My mom used to have this over our fireplace when I was growing up. It now hangs in my kitchen and is a constant reminder to me about things that we can and can’t change in life. She’s also posted about a TTC Prayer Group you may be interested in.
At one time Suzanne decided to go private in her blog but then thankfully changed her mind to go public again! (We appreciate that Suzanne…your words have so much to offer all of us!) I appreciate also that she decided (in order to ‘get herself out of a funk’) to focus on “life” happenings in her blog as well as her infertility. I applaud any blogger who does this! (Sometimes, we all need distractions and it may also help with stress overall!)
Lastly, I LOVE how Suzanne says that she feels she has found her voice through blogging! She feels excited about her upcoming IVF cycle and we are excited for her, so go cheer her on and wish her luck! But like all things in life, there are ups and downs. She also is having a hard time because the estimated due date of the little boy she miscarried recently passed. Please keep her in your thoughts and stop by for some extra cyber hugs. We love you Suzanne! Wishing you all the best!
*Update: Suzanne has removed her blog so there are no more links here.
Today, I’m lovin’ Lydia from TTC Our Miracle Since 2005! As her blog name suggests, she’s been TTC since 2005 but has only been blogging since April of ’09 and started a vlog around the same time in March of last year. She experienced 2 miscarriages only months apart in 2005.
What I really love about her is her blog is really more of a diary and she goes into great detail about her cycles on her blog and vlog which can give a lot of information to others trying to conceive. She is also so open to answering any questions anyone might have. We all root her on with each surge and pregnancy symptom and amazingly, she stays positive with each passing cycle. And whenever she feels like she’s not going to get pregnant she says to herself, “YOU WILL GET PREGNANT! 2010 WILL BE YOUR YEAR!!!” What a wonderful affirmation!
I also love that she reviews books, and other items on both her blog and vlog. On this post, she reviewed a fertility yoga DVD and Fer.tile.Aid for Women. Her husband also gave his review for the product for men. I think it’s awesome when products like these are reviewed because so many times in the infertility world, we are left bewildered about what to take and try. This definitely gives some insight!
I really love that she is honest down to the core. She allows her blog to vent what’s on her mind and reading one of her posts brought back memories of similar feelings for me. I’m sure most of us can relate. But when the venting is over, she is still so positive when her cycle starts over. The post “I will NOT be defeated!” says it all. It was really inspirational! I LOVED it!!
So cheer her on through her cycles on her blog and vlog! We love you Lydia! Keep on writing and recording!
This week, I’m lovin’ Em who is a crafty housewife from Creating HackSpawn! I love that she started a 101 things in 1001 days! (Read more about that project here.) It is so inspiring, I think I would like to do something similar! She started blogging in December of ’09 (but only just started her 1001 day project on April 1st and already completed #42 Bake a rainbow cake). Em has been TTCing for 7 months 2 weeks and 4 days and has been battling PCOS. To learn more about her story go here and here, and even a little more about her here. (By the way, I LOVE sushi too!! 
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I suppose what I love most about her is that although she is 10 years younger than me (almost exactly), she is wise beyond her years. That shows in her post (which I adore) titled: A Conversation of Bliss. And although she hasn’t been TTCing all that long, she seems to have a sure knowledge on ways to improve her fertility. Some are medical (like improving her diet & exercise regime) and some are not medically based but worth a try! I LOVE the fertility bracelet she made! Read up on the properties of each gemstone and you may want her to make one for you too!
I love that she is doing meditation and really loving it! She says that she is obsessive and overthinks things but what I “see” is a head-strong woman who knows what she wants, plans for it by making goals, and is determined to make it happen all the while being positive about it along the way! That is quite admirable! 2010 will be your year Em…I just feel it through your words and your hope!
Cheer her on and be inspired! Check out: Creating HackSpawn
Today’s inspiring success story is from Stephanie Fry, author & publisher of The IVF Companion: A Personal Organizer for Your IVF Cycles. You can check out this organizer at www.ivfcompanion.com. 
1. How long did you struggle through infertility?
After trying for a year on our own I was diagnosed in 2005 and am expecting in June.
2. What did you go through (as far as treatments, different doctors, etc.) ?
I started my journey with ovarian surgery and from there took a road that many IF patients can relate to, beginning with a clomid IUI, followed by multiple cycles of injectable, monitored IUI’s followed by four rounds IVF of which one was an FET.
3. How did you handle disappointments through your cycles (natural and otherwise)?
I handled things with a combination of knowledge, therapy, support groups and self awareness. I was very fortunate to be working with a great medical team so when a cycle failed my initial coping mechanism was clinical. I took comfort in seeing progress in each of my treatment cycles and in understanding my options for next steps. After my first IVF failure I saw a private therapist and joined online and in person support groups through RESOLVE. This combination of dealing with the pain and frustration of my struggle both privately and in a group setting was a real turning point. I began to look at the big picture, became more self aware and in turn coped much better with the disappointment I was feeling because I understood it and myself more. My husband and I came to the realization that whether through treatment, adoption or foster parenting we would be parents some day and that was a great comfort. When things were really difficult we stayed focused on that knowledge.
About half way through my IVF treatment I decided to go public with our struggle by making the decision to publish a personal organizer that I created during my treatment. Sharing my ideas for coping with other women helped me find positivity in an extremely difficult situation and I began to see the many lessons that we learn by going through infertility.
4. What were the ‘stress-free’ techniques that you tried that helped you get through the cycle (yoga, meditation, acupuncture, support through family, friends & on-line, etc.)?
I have had great success with meditation and mindfulness but I also created, by trial and error, different stress reduction techniques that worked for me. One of my favorites was keeping what I call an IVF Emotion Log. Whenever I was in a really good or really bad mood, I would make a note of it and try to determine what triggered it. Understanding my triggers helped me manage mood swings and stay level. Another real help was that my husband and I always made a ‘negative results’ plan. We planned how and where we would get the news, what we would do that day (usually lots of tears, chocolate and take out), what we would do the week or so after (usually a local road trip or big project to take our minds of things) and how a negative result would affect our long term treatment plan. This made dealing with negative results not easy, but not as devastating.
We would also commemorate the start of each cycle by acknowledging that what we were going through was a big deal and a battle we were fighting together. We put him in charge of sanity and gave me leeway to be a little (or a lot!) off. Towards the end of my cycles instead of beating myself up I began to really honor myself and my husband for all of our hard work.
5. If you could give advice for couples going through infertility now, what would it be?
Hope for the best, plan for the worst and expect the unexpected. Even if you are not sharing your struggle with others remember that infertility is a disease and nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud of the fact that you have the strength to fight the battle and remember that however you decide to cope, proceed, act, feel or resolve is a personal choice that is different for everyone. There are lessons in hardship, while seeing them isn’t always easy if you try you might find something positive to focus on when you need it.
Thanks so much Stephanie! Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and your journey into motherhood!
Check out Stephanie and her organizer (that looks as though it will definitely help with stress levels) at:
Yesterday, we discussed facing your in-laws and embracing all their wonderful (yet horribly annoying at times) imperfections. Today, we will discuss ways to survive them at a family function. So, while your father-in-law jabs at your sides asking about grandchildren or your sister-in-law makes a “when you’re a mom…” comment you can try any one of the following ways to help keep you from reaching your boiling point.
onefloorup.com
Here are some others to keep in mind from ehow:
Enjoy your upcoming holiday (as best you can)! Life is too short!
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Facing the In-Laws
Spring has arrived and Passover, Easter and many other warm weather fun family functions will be coming up soon! So, we are discussing the dreaded topic: Your In-laws. Family has been a topic before but this is a rather sensitive subject because your significant other may or may not share your worries or dismay. Here’s some helpful advice:
Monster-in-Law, New Line Cinema
Facing the In-Laws at family functions can be brutal. And, while it may be a short term occurrence, it can also come with extra, unwanted stress leading up to the event, during and even after it is over when you replay it over in your mind.
It may seem obvious, but the main reason your in-laws could get under your skin is that they may not really know you. They aren’t your family, they are your significant other’s. So, they weren’t raised with you, know your personality inside and out and understand what inspires you, bothers you or what could totally set you off. Without knowing it, they can push buttons that can send you over the edge and combined with an assortment of hormones that you could possibly be taking, this has the potential for disaster. Remember this and keep it in mind when your mother-in-law makes a comment about your childhood traditions or when your brother-in-law pokes fun at your job, house, city, etc. because he knows this will egg on your partner.
And of course, your anxiety is most probably heightened because of the comments swarming around the fact that you haven’t blessed them with grand-kids, nieces or nephews. It is understandable that they are curious (whether you told them about your infertility or not) and they may have questions. Let’s break this down among generations shall we?
Your MIL and FIL most likely didn’t have trouble conceiving. After all, they had your significant other and any other BIL or SIL that may get on your nerves. But if it did take a while to get pregnant, there were very little options available to them. The advice that they most likely got was to “be patient.” So, whether they are unaware or a have a complete lack of understanding of the latest medical technologies out there, this little (and rather annoying) advice is what they most likely will bestow onto you as well. It rings true however and as my mother always said, “Patience is a virtue.” (She comes from a much older and perhaps wiser generation.) So, be patient with them. They are only human and ignorant to the real pain you keep so well hidden.
Your BIL(s) or SIL(s) may or may not have a gaggle of kids that prance around all adorable like for you to fawn over. If they do, they may say some exhausted comment (that many overwhelmed parents say that you may take as completely ridiculous) and/or they may swing the other way and try to tell you all the things you may be lucky for because you don’t have kids (which you may take as totally insensitive). Either of these can drive any infertile nuts, especially when it’s “family” and you have to maintain composure to save face. The difference is, this generation, your generation has so much more exposure to infertility and it’s extensive treatments. And whether they have some knowledge of it through the media (gasp!), or through friends, other family members or even you, they may actually be a better sounding board than you think. If you haven’t yet, let them in if you feel comfortable enough. You may be surprised at the response and support that you may get.
And in the end, family functions come and go and this one too shall pass. You make choices whether to associate with your in-laws or not (based on distance, finances, temperament, personality, grudges, etc.). But, try to avoid rifts when you can because just as this holiday and/or family function will pass, so will your infertility. Perhaps at the next one, you will have a little one to tag along with you and then all the attention (thank goodness!) will be diverted to him/her/them.
Tomorrow, come back for ways to survive the in-laws….and PLEASE feel free to add your own!