Hello! I am so happy to have a new success story and this one is adoption related! If you or someone you know has been successful (through adoption, infertility treatment, surrogate, etc.) go to this post for the info! I am also working on a success story book so let me know if you’d like to share it there as well. Thanks so much in advance! You’ll be an inspiration to so many!
Meet Kelli! She blogs at Parenting By Adoption. Read on for her inspiring story.
1. How long did you struggle through infertility?
I had issues with ovarian cysts for years before marrying my husband but I was told the year before we married after a surgery for yet another ovarian cyst that all looked great and I was a go for pregnancy. I even took the pill up to the day of my wedding not wanting to be pregnant when I walked down the aisle. Little did I know then that was not going to be an issue, my two later pregnancies never made it past the first trimester.
2. What did you go through (as far as treatments, different doctors, adoptions agencies, etc.)?
Six months after Andy and I said I do and starting trying to conceive, after some initial tests -we were thrust straight into IVF treatment. The first cycle I made an outstanding 13 eggs! For a 39 year old this was stellar news and we were all very positive that I would be having a happy and positive ending to that cycle. Well I did get pregnant but lost the pregnancy right after they said I could start relaxing at about 9 weeks gestation.
At this point they told me I had something called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome which is a multi-system disorder (quite common in women) that causes issues with insulin resistance, hormone imbalances, infertility and explained the irregular cycles I had battled all my life. At my insistence I was given medication to help regulate my insulin so I did not develop full blown diabetes at some later date.
Cycles 2, 3 and 4 were all negative despite my continuing good egg production. At this point we decided to use donor eggs for cycle 5 wondering at this point if my aging eggs were the problem. We chose a donor (a young 21 year old woman) and started synchronizing our cycles for an IVF cycle, she did great and we were all again positive this was going to be it. Heartbroken after the horrid two week wait after embryo transfer that I was again not pregnant.
At this point I insisted they do more testing on my husband and low and behold he had some DNA level mutation that would cause issues with embryo development. I was upset at the doctors after five IVF cycles that they had assumed it was me that was the obstacle to a positive pregnancy outcome. In a last ditch effort, we did one frozen donor egg cycle and transferred in an outrageous 9 embryos knowing most would not implant. Again, no pregnancy.
At this point I was done being a science experiment and so weary from doing all I could to become a mother. I was more than ready to pursue adoption as in my heart I knew it was motherhood I was really deeply wanting and I was able to let go of the dreams about experiencing pregnancy. We signed up with a local adoption agency and did the legally mandated paperwork called a home study to be ready to be presented to potential birth moms.
After having our written profile (which is like a printed flyer withphotos and information about us) shown to about 80 birthmom’s, Ariel’s birthmom T saw it and quickly knew we were the ones she wanted to parent the baby she was carrying. As it turns out, she and I look a lot alike (bothhave blond hair and green eyes) so our daughter Ariel Faith looks more like me than if I had carried her. That was not in our wish list for a child but it just worked out that way.
We have an open adoption in that we got to know Ariel’s birth mom during her pregnancy, I went to doctor’s visits when I could and we were there for the ultrasound to see that Ariel was indeed a girl. Ariel was due to be born on July 30th but she had other plans for us. We had everything set up in T’s home town at the hospital so that they all knew of her plans to place for adoption. Well T was in another city visiting friends for a last visit before she gave birth and she went into labor at about 12:30 AM on July 27th. She called us and I quickly called the hospital near where she was staying and faxed birth plans and documents from the adoption agency so that T would be taken care of as we had planned.
Andy and I quickly threw clothes into bags and drove the 2 hours to the hospital arriving just in time for Ariel to be brought to us all snug in her onsie and little hat. It was truly a life changing moment for me. I had waited 45 years of my life, 6 years of my marriage and so much sadness before that moment to finally become a mom. I just held her for hours looking into her beautiful face and relishing that my lifelong dream of motherhood was finally here. Ariel is now 7 and I still am so blessed to be her Mom, she is truly my heart walking around outside of me. 7 years later we continue to have an open adoption, being friends on Facebook withAriel’s birth mom and face to face visit about once a year with Ariel’s biological grandma and her parents. We all just were open to being open and the relationships have developed naturally and with love.
3. How did you handle disappointments through your cycles (natural and otherwise) or months of waiting?
The losses were heartbreaking and I had to lean very hard on my husband to get through them. There were days I did not know if I could get out of bed but I did and just tried to be gentle with myself and worked hard to maintain hope and faith that we would one day achieve our dreams of being parents.
4. What were the ‘stress-free’ techniques that you tried that helped you get through the cycle or time (yoga, meditation, acupuncture, support through family, friends & on-line, etc.)?
During the infertility treatments stress management was essential – I exercised, did acupuncture, Yoga, mediation, did counseling when I felt it necessary to handle the grief and loss of my two pregnancies. I developed a core group of people to support me and my spiritual community at my church truly held my hands through the journey.
5. If you could give advice for couples going through infertility now, what would it be?
After my long and bumpy journey to motherhood – my advise to those still in the trenches of infertility, I highly recommend taking breaks periodically. Give yourselves a chance to recharge and reconnect and have fun and joy in your lives. Make decisions that you feel comfortable with long term as far as your health is concerned, looking back if I had not been so caught up emotionally in the IVF process, I would not have done so many cycles of IVF, that is a lot of synthetic hormones that we pumped into my body. Fortunately 9 years later with annual screening I do not have any lasting effects. Take time to make decisions as you move along, breath and allow both your brain and your gut instincts to weigh in.
And finally if you are not succeeding with fertility treatments know that parenting by adoption is a very wonderful option. I love my daughter so deeply and probably more than if I had carried her as I know the huge sacrifice her birth mom T had to make in placing her with us. I now work as an adoption coach helping other couples and single women get through the adoption process with their own personal cheerleader and informed coach by their side. It is very rewarding to help others become as happy as I am!
Thanks so much Kelli! Follow her journey as a mom and her wonderful work that is truly inspirational on her blog! 
