First, I want to wish everyone out there a Happy Mother’s Day! Whether you are still on your journey to becoming a mother, crossing over, or finally a mother after a long road of infertility ~ live for the moment and appreciate the day!  Miracles come into our lives in all kinds of ways. Stay strong!

   So for Success Story Sunday, Meet Laura! She blogs at Please Let This Be It. And after 2 years of infertility, she is now 18 weeks pregnant! She has an incredible story and wonderful advice!

1. How long did you struggle through infertility? 2 years

2. What did you go through (as far as treatments, different doctors, etc.) ? After TTC on our own without protection for 6 months with no result, my OBGYN told me to try charting. I did that for another 4 months. Still nothing. My regular OBGYN ran some tests but according to her all looked ok. She referred us to an RE and in April 2009 we went to see our Miracle doctor. Many (painful) tests later we discovered that one of my tubes was closed and one was damaged possibly by endometriosis. I also have a retroverted uterus but that is not much of an issue, I just never knew about it. Given the fact that my tubes are closed our only option of getting pregnant was IVF. After we had some time to think things over, we were ready to start IVF. Then during my routine day 3 baseline check up, my FSH came up really high for my age. So my doctor sent me for an AMH test to see how my ovarian reserve looked like and it looked “poor/diminishing”. I was in complete shock. Here I was at 28 with DOR. It took a while to get my head around this but we decided to carry on with this cycle. Given my high FSH, she said my only option to get a response would be to do the super strong 6 vials a day of Menopur ~ aMicrodose Flare Protocol. The cycle went really well and it was smooth sailing. No complications, no side effects, the ER went really well and we ended up with 11 eggs. We did a 3 day transfer and waited. In the meantime we heard that they were able to freeze 4 embryos for later use. On the day of the beta we got a BFN. The heartbreak was a lot to take so we decided to take a break and think things over. After some time off we agreed to start with another fresh cycle in January 2010 after the holidays. We need time in between to relax and have some away time from all things TTC.

The second cycle went wrong from the beginning. The injections that D administered to me every night hurt more and I bruised so much. I was also not responding well to the drugs so they had to increase my dosage and I had to stay on the meds for a lot longer than last time. The ER went badly as my right ovary was hidden and the pain was so severe I woke up in the middle of it. They had to give me another dosage. Poor D had to witness all of this and was hurting for my pain. Our miracle doctor recovered 10 eggs and out of those 9 were mature. I developed a mild case of OHSS and was in agony and drank Gatorade for 2 days straight. (YUCK!!)We insisted on getting a 5 day transfer rather than a 3 day and on day 5 there were two super star blasts that were just waiting for us. We had no embryos to freeze because the government decided it’s illegal to store embryos. (that’s a whole different topic on its own.) We saw them going back inside my uterus and it was amazing. I started POAS from the day before ET in order to test out the trigger. I was not going to get surprised like last time, this time I was going to be prepared. I was on 2 high dosages of progesterone a day and 1 weekly top up shot. Well 4 days post transfer I saw my first ever super faint BFP. I could not believe this would be it and broke down on several occasion until my beta which proved that I was indeed PREGNANT!! Here I am 18 weeks pregnant and still cannot believe it! Miracles do happen every day.

3. How did you handle disappointments through your cycles (natural and otherwise)?I suppose in the last 2 years I went through all sorts of different disappointments and as much as I trained myself not to become too hopeful I failed miserably every month. I suppose what you learn is coping mechanisms to deal with disappointment. I remember how many tears I shed in the very beginning because despite charting, lifting my legs after sex, trying different positions, taking special vitamins and praying more than I ever prayed.. my cycle would show up on time every month. Every month I would calculate when our baby would be due if we got lucky and what star sign he/she would be. I would join the due date month of the baby on BBC and meet other women who were also waiting to see if they got pregnant. Of course the heartbreak of always being the one that has to leave the group got to me. Eventually I stopped joining groups and started writing my own diary to keep track of my emotions and what I was experiencing. That helped a lot in dealing with the pain in a more constructive way.

   I also avoided situations like baby showers or get togethers where everyone would single us out as the couple with no kids. I learned that during this time my emotions came first. It was hard enough having to deal with infertility without being reminded of it by complete strangers. I cried and confided a lot in D. And even though at times it was so overwhelming, knowing we were going through this together made it less painful. We also took a lot of breaks whether they included actual travel or just breaks from TTC and used this time to have some Laura and D time away from the madness. Recovering from the heartbreak of the first failed IVF cycle took a lot more work and effort. There are no words to describe how I felt. The pain would hit me at odd times during the day and night. I would be ok one moment, super angry the next and crying the next. I hated my body and hated the fact that it had let me down once again. It was not an easy time and I didn’t want to speak to anyone except for D because as much as I was mourning he was too. He was the only one that knew what we had been through and felt my pain. We gave it time and took a break again and spent time just being us. We only started speaking about trying again after a month. We were too broken to even think of trying again before then and it actually took us another 3 months before we started IVF again. The hardest part is allowing yourself to hope again. Part of me never wanted to be hopeful again. I hated the disappointment of starting a cycle thinking this would be the one that worked and for it to end badly again. Then again I believe that if you don’t allow yourself to go into it with at least a little bit of hope, you might as well not start at all. I think whether you are TTC naturally or with help, you are bound to have disappointments, how you deal with them is a personal choice. You need to allow your emotions to be your guide and go with what helps.

4. What were the ‘stress-free’ techniques that you tried that helped you get through the cycle (yoga, meditation, acupuncture, support through family, friends & on-line, etc.)? I wanted to try acupuncture with my second IVF cycle but then I could not find a centre specialized in acupuncture so I gave it a miss. What I did do was listen to meditation/visualization tapes that I downloaded online. They are aimed at people doing IVF so you listen to one particular track at atime. I didn’t take it that seriously with the first cycle but with my second I paid more attention and listened to them almost religiously, once at work and once at night. D would do my nightly injections and then I would go to our spare room with all the lights off and listen and meditate. Sometimes I would doze off, other times I would cry throughout them but most of the time I would emerge from my meditation with a newly found sense of peace. They worked so well with me that I have now purchased the pregnancy mediation tapes that I listen to mostly every day.. they help especially when I am having a bad day and I freak out that there is something wrong with Peanut.

    I have also connected with lots of strong and amazing women who cheered me on every step of the day. Even during my darkest days they were there to show me that miracles happen every day and to keep on believing. I am not in any IVF groups as most of my Girls have moved on from there but we are all still in touch by email or Facebook. They are the first I want to tell good news to and the ones that understand why during some days I still cannot believe this has happened and that I am really pregnant.

   My family helped in other ways. They never really understood why this was happening to us and felt so bad for what we were going through. They were really supportive of us and even if they didn’t ask about how the cycles were going etc they were there for me if I wanted to talk. They prayed a lot too and are still praying for a healthy and happy 9 months.

5. If you could give advice for couples going through infertility now, what would it be?

• Do you own research. If the doctor tells you have several issues preventing you from getting pregnant, do your research.Find out if the tests/treatments that your doctor is advising are necessary or appropriate. If in doubt be ready to get a second or third opinion. My doctor wanted me to do a laparoscopy after my first failed IVF cycle and I refused because after doing my own research I found out that the likelihood of finding something that prevented implantation was really rare. Go to your doctor with a list of question and if they are good doctors they will take the time to answer your questions. Do your own research on those questions so that you can expect what kind of answer you want to hear. Be ready to question the answer you don’t agree with or don’t understand.

• Be your own advocate. As scary as it might be at first, speak up. You are going to be the one going through the treatments, if something does not feel right, be prepared to say something. Don’t wait. If you read that day 5 transfers or day 3 are more likely to end up in a BFP speak up and ask your doctor if this could be considered as an option for your particular case. We insisted on getting a day 5 transfer even if my doctor normally does day 3 and we got it and it worked for us. Speak up!

• If someone makes you feel less of a woman because you are 25/29/35 etc and don’t have children yet or makes a comment about infertility, ask them what they mean? Ask them what they know on the subject to pass judgment. I told a “friend “we were doing IVF and she said, “once you are pregnant no one has to know how you got here.” I was shocked and angry and I replied that I had nothing to be ashamed of. I now tell everyone that his baby was a miracle baby because against all odds she made it to us through IVF. Don’t be ashamed of infertility.

• Make a list of all the “silly” advice that people give you in order to help you conceive and laugh about it. I am sure we have heard them all from the “just relax” to the “get drunk” to “adopt and it’ll happen”. If all of us made a list of all the stupid things people tell us to try or do we could go around the world a couple of times! Laugh these things out and don’t let them get to you. If they get to you or the person is persistent, set them straight.

• Allow your emotions to come out. Don’t suppress how you feel. Whether you can speak to your partner or a friend or whether it’s through blogging or other IF girls.

• Don’t forget your husband is going through this too. He might have a different way of showing his emotions or letting them out, but he is suffering too. I will never forget the look on D’s face when the doctor looked out our test and said it was negative. It was as if all the blood was drained from his face. His eyes looked so sad. Don’t forget to ask them how they feel too.

• Find time to be just you and your partner. Infertility and TTC can do damage to relationship and it’s essential you are willing to take a step back and reassess things with your partner. Spend some time just the two of you for a while without talking (I know you are always thinking about it!) infertility and TTC.

• Be good and love yourself. I know firsthand how much guilt we can carry around with us if the reason we cannot conceive is mainly something to do with us. Release those feelings of guilt, it’s not your fault things are the way they are. They just are. You cannot go back in time and you might never know why this is happening. Accept that things will not change just because you beat yourself up. Speak to your partner about how you feel. Speak up about your fears and once they are out they will seem less real. Your partner is with you for you not because you looked like an ideal baby making machine!

• As a subpart to the point above – find time for some “ me” time. Whether it’s reading a book that has nothing to do with TTC or getting a mani/pedi with a friend, getting your hair cut, getting a massage or blogging. Do something for you because you deserve it and because even Superheroes need breaks!

Thanks so much Laura! This advice is so thoughtful & well written!

If you want to follow her journey into motherhood, go to her blog: Please Let This Be It.