Meet Cymande!

First, Happy Father’s Day to all the dads-to-be, new dads and the old timers! Enjoy your day!

Meet Cymande! She blogs at Group Sex and her hubby blogs at Old Wire Road. They endured IVF and now have beautiful twins who are just about 2 weeks old! Read on for their story!

1. How long did you struggle through infertility?

More than 3 years

2. What did you go through (as far as treatments, different doctors, adoptions agencies, etc.) with your infertility? When we decided we were ready for children, we initially had a laissez-faire attitude about it (we’d tell everyone “we’re trying, but we’re not trying”.)  We were very busy working 50+ hour weeks and renovating our house, so we didn’t think much of not getting pregnant during the first year of trying (but not trying.) We thought, “oh, it’ll happen when it’s time” and often feeling relieved not to be pregnant during a house renovation.  In the second year, I got more serious.  I scheduled intercourse.  When that didn’t work after 6 months, I got super serious.  I charted temps, purchased ovulation predictor kits, Fertelle testing, lurked on the “trying to conceive” [TTC] internet boards.  I did this month after month.  I was confused and concerned because all of my self-research told me that I was fertile.  I had normal cycles, normal cervical mucus, and I could feel my ovulation.  The only thing that seemed to possibly be an issue was that I would have achy spasms in my fallopian tubes after intercourse.  Strangely, I thought this was a good sign because I was sure that it meant that the sperm had reached my fallopian tubes and that the spasms were helping them along.  So at the end on the second year, I told my husband that I was extremely concerned that we were not conceiving.  Initially, he said, “Nah!! We are so fertile!!”, which we were, but I made an appointment with my gynecologist anyway.

 It was no surprise that all of our initial lab work came back normal.  At my second appointment, the doctor was kind enough to be blunt.  He said, as long as you’ve been trying, the statistic say that you have an almost 0% chance of conceiving on your own.  This was devastating news.  Luckily, there were a few other procedures to do to investigate the problem.  I mentioned the fallopian spasms but he said he had never heard of that particular symptom as a sign of an issue.  I had a saline infused sonogram, which was normal and a hysterosalpingogram, which was very painful and showed one narrowly patent tube.  However, this still did not give us a clear answer about the nature of the problem.  I then had an exploratory lap because the docs wanted to see if I had any scar tissue from an episode of appendicitis I had when I was 19.  The gynecologist said that although my tubes seemed oddly muscular, they looked okay and that I didn’t have any scar tissue.  However, during the exploratory lap, he could not flush either of my tubes.  That’s when we were referred to reproductive endocrinology at Shands hospital at the University of Florida.

 The reproductive endocrinologist [RE] gave us the option to have a tubal dilation procedure, but we decided to go straight to in vitro fertilization [IVF].  The tubal procedure was going to cost just as much as IVF and had an even lower chance of working for us than IVF.  We were comfortable at the university clinic from the start and luckily didn’t feel the need to doctor shop. 

 While we were trying to conceive naturally, each month was a lonely and cruel merry-go-round of hope and heartbreak.  I lived my life in 2-week increments for several years.  I was obsessive.  I did things like buy pregnancy tests in secret.  I tried communing with my “spirit children”.  It was unhealthy and expensive. 

3. How did you handle disappointments through your cycles (natural and otherwise) or months of waiting? 

I handled the monthly disappointment during our attempts at natural conception by reading the stories of others online and planning for the next cycle.  The hope in the new cycle was the reward for the disappointment of the last cycle.

 During our IVF cycle, we had two disappointments.  An ovarian cyst was discovered which set our original start date back by about 6 weeks and nearly sent me over the edge.  The second disappointment, a surprise to me, was the loss of 10 out of 16 fertilized embryos.  Those were our babies.  This disappointment even as other couples rejoiced in having 1 embryo.

 4.  What were the ‘stress-free’ techniques that you tried that helped you get through the cycle or time (yoga, meditation, acupuncture, support through family, friends & on-line, etc.)?

To mitigate the stress and maintain what was left of my sanity, I did a lot of yoga, had massages, and listened to hypnotherapy and guided imagery.  I continued this through IVF and added acupuncture.  I really wanted our first cycle to work!  I feel that these activities made all the difference.

5.  If you could give advice for couples going through infertility now, what would it be?

My advice to couples wondering if they have a fertility issue is to stop wasting time.  See a doctor.  See a few doctors!  I wish I hadn’t blown it off for so long.  My other advice is to spare no expense when it comes to self-care.  Take time off from work, get massages and acupuncture, exercise, eat well. 

On the table, during the c-section, I learned that my fallopian tubes were very small, “tiny” the OB said.  It turns out that I may have a congenital tubal defect.  Even as my children were born, I learned about my infertility. 

 So, here we are now, our twins are 10 days old.  They made it to their scheduled c-section date at nearly 39 weeks and are just right.  We cannot believe how far we’ve come!

Thanks so much Cymande! To see more adorable pics and read more of their journey into parenthood,

go to Group Sex & Old Wire Road!