Meet Michelle! She endured years of PCOS, 4 IVF cycles and a brain tumor! She now has 5 beautiful children including triplets! Read on for her incredible story!
1. How long did you struggle through infertility?
My husband Michael and I struggled with infertility for over 7 years.
2. What did you go through (as far as treatments, different doctors, adoptions agencies, etc.)?
We were married in August of 1997 and started to try to have children immediately. I was hoping for one of those “honeymoon” babies. I was surely disappointed. After about 5 years of trying to conceive, and many days of crying, we decided to go see a doctor who specialized in PCOS, a condition that I have had since I was 13 and starting going bald. I loved him off the bat, he was personable and really wanted to get to the reason you were not getting pregnant. His ultimate goal was pregnancy. He suggested IVF, but being the Catholic that I was I was against it. He said, I will do IUI, but it is a waste of your money. Between my PCOS and my husbands low sperm count he gave the IUI less than 7% chance of working. I walked away very disappointed and discouraged. Now we had to work on a way to get some money together to pay for this and pray, what is the right thing to do? A year later, in November of 2003 we went to see him again and set up a schedule to do an IUI in January. I was finally ready to give up on having a baby the natural way and get some help. Then I went to visit family in NY over Thanksgiving, and I decided I wanted a baby by Christmas and I did not care if we had to buy one. I really wanted to experience pregnancy, that was really important to me. I got “over” my religious issues and said God put him in my path for a reason and if we do the IVF, God still has a say in this and if this works. It was such a relief for me. We went back in December for our final check up and payment, and I told the doctor we are going to do IVF, he was shocked and happy for us. We decided to give it 1 shot and see what happens. I had lost 30 pounds since the first time I saw him and he gave us odds of about 20% chance of working. We started the Lupron shot and then 75 shots later, we did egg retrieval and my doctor came in on his day off and did the transfer of 3 embryos. He walked out of there pointing to 1 embryo and said this one will take. He was so confident that it was comforting. I even had my aunt have her convent praying for us. If the nuns could pray, all was good. I was so careful for the 12 days until my pregnancy test. He warned me I will call for a positive or a negative, he did not leave that up to the nurse and I appreciated that from him. 12 days later and we were pregnant. We were so excited and got to hear the heartbeat 5 weeks later. We delivered a healthy baby girl in October of 2004.
I then decided a year later, I wanted another one. We went back, to my doctors’ surprise and we delivered another little girl in October of 2006, we had our 2 healthy kids, we were done. 5 weeks later I was deathly ill with headaches, after a cat scan it was revealed that I had a benign brain tumor. 2 days later I was on the way into the operating room when I told my husband, if I make it out alive from this surgery; we are going for that boy. I did make it out alive and in August of 2005 I was finally released from my Neurosurgeon to try to have a child. We transferred in October with no success, but we were able to freeze 5 embryos. I was disappointed, but I knew we had another shot at that boy. I figured these 3 must have been boys, I am only going to have girls.
Then in February of 2008 we transferred 5 frozen embryos and get pregnant. This was a different pregnancy, I was losing weight, almost 10 pounds and nothing fit. My numbers were all normal for a single pregnancy, but I was worried. At 5 weeks, with my mom present we went in to hear the heartbeat and to our surprise and the technician’s we heard 3. I was so excited because I had wanted twins since I could remember. The doctor wanted me to reduce and there was no way I could. We delivered 2 healthy boys and 1 healthy girl in October of 2008. I spent the last 3 and half weeks in the hospital, but it was worth it. One of my triplets was over 7 pounds.
I do not get frustrated at people who ask me, how did this happen? Are they natural? Were you surprised? I tell them all my kids are IVF and we are blessed to have so many. I would have more, but my brain surgeon said no. The brain tumor grew while I was pregnant and we do not want to risk that again. I had very easy pregnancies and deliveries, I loved being pregnant and I wish and pray for everyone who wants to have children to be able to be as blessed as we are.
3. How did you handle disappointments through your cycles (natural and otherwise) or months of waiting?
One of the hardest parts for me when trying to have kids and not getting pregnant was all the people around me afraid to tell me they were pregnant. I was so happy for those who got pregnant. I did not wish this on my worst enemy. I remember vividly 1 day driving home from work and talking to my mom and I knew something was up in her voice, and I asked what is up. She said nothing, I do not want to tell you, and I knew and asked; who is pregnant? She said your sister Susie. Susie was not married and only 19 but here she was getting pregnant. I won’t deny it. I was happy for her, but sad for me. I always wanted kids, but I would not have wanted to be a single mom at 19. Everyone would say, aren’t you mad at her? How could I be mad at her, a child is a gift, I was disappointed. How can you still talk to her? He was my nephew and I loved him dearly. I always got excited for people who get pregnant the easy way, but frustrated with those who took 3 months and were complaining about it. Man I wish it only took us 3 months to get pregnant.
4. What were the ‘stress-free’ techniques that you tried that helped you get through the cycle or time (yoga, meditation, acupuncture, support through family, friends & on-line, etc.)?
I found peace in being involved at church with our life teen program. I thought, this is my path of having kids. I am to mentor them and pray with them, this is what God has in plan for me. If it was not for my church group, I would never had made it through the years of crying. Praying and staying involved helped me. Being around other kids actually helped me be peaceful. I have always wanted children so why would I avoid them, even if they were not mine. My family was very supported of me along the whole way. My true friends were also there for me. I found out quickly who was and was not a true friend and I got rid of those who were not.
5. If you could give advice for couples going through infertility now, what would it be?
Do not shut your friends out because they are having kids and you are not. I know I have been one of the lucky ones to do 4 transfers and have 5 healthy kids. I wish I had more on line support when I was going thru this, but the internet was just starting. It was comforting for me to talk with people who were going through the same thing I was. Since having kids I have met so many people who do have the same issues I do and it has been very helpful to know that I was not alone, it was not me, just God’s plan for me. I would tell people relax, make sure you have a doctor you trust and like. The 1 transfer that did not take was done by a doctor that was on call because mine was out of town. I told my doctor it did not take because you did not do the transfer. I did not like the doctor and to this day think it was him as to why my fresh cycle did not take but my frozen did so well. Find one who looks for the reason you are not getting pregnant and really has the goal of getting you pregnant. There are probably more of your friends going thru this than you realize, get their advice, get their support. I had to make peace with everything before I think I could move forward and after I did that, I was blessed 5 times over.
Taken 2 years ago in 2009.
Thanks so much Michelle!
