Meet Christina! She blogs at The Subfertile Frugalista. After 3 1/2 years of TTC, a miracle pregnancy, and a miscarriage, she is now heading into her 12th week of another miracle pregnancy! Read on for her uplifting story!
1. How long did you struggle through infertility?
3 years and 5 months in total.
2. What did you go through (as far as treatments, different doctors, etc.) ?
1 year with an OB and a few rounds of Clomid with him before being referred to an RE. With the first RE, we did several rounds of Clomid, Femara, Follistim, IUIs, 2 HSGs, and 1 Hysteroscopy & Lap surgery to remove a septum from my uterus. Only after the surgery did I find out that I actually had PCOS. I thought I was undiagnosed until that point. After our last round of injectables with the first RE, we knew that IVF was on the horizon and were really feeling as if it was time to seek a second opinion. We did some research and found the #1 IVF Doctor in our state fully expecting that he would lead us in that direction. I’ve come to call him Dr. Miracles because he didn’t move us directly to IVF. Instead, he asked us to trust him and try something that was a bit uncommon. I’m not a “typical” PCOS patient in that I don’t have a lot of the symptoms. I just have a lot of cysts on my ovaries. He thought that we could help the situation in my ovaries by putting me on Glumetza (Metformin) and taking on a unique diet called a low amylose diet. Essentially, it is a no sugar, low carb, no root vegetable diet. It turned out that I began ovulating on my own within a month of this (for the first time since TTC…over 2 years at that point!) After 3 months, we checked my ovaries and saw a significant decrease in the presence of cysts. On the 4th month, I got a miracle BFP. No IUIs, no drugs (aside from the Glumetza), no trigger shot. Unfortunately, we lost our baby girl, Mya, in December due to Trisomy 21 (Down syndrome). After recovering from the D&C, we began TTC again with the same plan, with the expectation that we would TTC for 3 months before pursuing IVF. By some miracle, we conceived in the first month TTC again after the loss. We feel so incredibly blessed to be entering the 12th week. We are certainly nervous, but just trying to enjoy every minute of our good fortune.
3. How did you handle disappointments through your cycles (natural and otherwise)?
Gosh, this depended upon the month. It’s amazing how resilient one’s hope will drive them to be. Over the years, we certainly became less optimistic, mostly out of self preservation. Essentially, we stopped being overly hopeful and just let each cycle pass. One thing for which I will be forever grateful is the strength and stability that infertility has given to my marriage. Each month, there was only one person in my life who could fully understand my grief, my disappointment, my bitterness. And I could understand his. It always seemed that when I was at my weakest, Josh would be there as a source of strength. When he was having a low point, I would find it in myself to hold him up. It’s something that just happens, but when you look back on it, particularly when you’re not still in the throes of the emotional rollercoaster that is infertility, it is really something to be valued. I will admit that I can be somewhat of a Pollyanna. I tried to find some sense of meaning to everything and in the end, I tried to be graceful and grateful. Those were two words that popped up for me often. I wanted to be grateful for my marriage, for what we DID have, and for the fact that I would be able to share this with my children one day. I grew up in a very unstable home where love was conditional and my parents never truly valued anything, let alone their kids. I appreciate that my children will never, for one moment, question that they were wanted, prayed for and loved with so much depth and anticipation long before they were ever conceived. I wanted to be graceful as I encountered other pregnant women. And, obviously, there were many, and this was harder to do with certain people than others! I used my blog as a venting tool and really made an effort to respond to announcements and new babies with happiness for them. I once heard someone explain it by saying that she didn’t feel there was a finite amount of happiness to go around and that if one person got pregnant easily, that didn’t mean that there was less happiness out in the universe for her. I thought that was a great way of looking at it.
4. What were the ‘stress-free’ techniques that you tried that helped you get through the cycle (yoga, meditation, acupuncture, support through family, friends & on-line, etc.)?
I did acupuncture for a few months which was wonderful. I enjoyed it so much and really felt connected to my body during that time. I also used my blog. I mostly used it to read others’ stories and only in the past year or so have I really been using it as an outlet for writing and releasing my own thoughts. But I keep my IF blog private from friends and family, so it is a very freeing place to go and vent or share whatever emotion I might be having at the time.
Another thing that I think really helped us with the stress factor was that we put a financial plan into place in preparing for IVF. Like so many others, infertility is not covered by our insurance. We made a decision early on that we would remain debt free throughout the process and that we would not spend any portion of our current savings on fertility treatments. We had worked hard to build a nice nest egg and we wanted that to be there when we did have kids. This was important to me, probably because (again) of the childhood that I had. So we decided that we would begin an IVF savings chart and we spent almost an entire year plugging away and saving. It was really peaceful to know that we would be going into IVF without the financial burden that could have been highly stressful. As it turns out, we now have all of that extra money in savings, so we have agreed to treat ourselves to a fancy babymoon! (Note: we have never judged the way that others achieve their goals of building a family, and fully understand that there are a lot of people who do whatever it takes. We respect that they have made the best decision for their family, this was just the best decision for ours!)
5. If you could give advice for couples going through infertility now, what would it be?
I think my biggest piece of advice is that you really have to be your own advocate. I can’t imagine where we would have ended up had we not made the switch to Dr. Miracles. We just felt that something wasn’t right with our old RE. He was nice enough, and had success with a lot of people. But something just told us to look elsewhere. I also know so many women with PCOS who are just like I was…I went along with everything my 1st RE said to do, because he’s the expert! I trusted him. But it’s important to remember that we are our only true advocate and if something doesn’t feel right, you have the right to quesiton it. The only other advice is that you can still live your life. Yes, most of your waking thoughts will revolve around what you don’t have, but I think it’s important to keep the connection in your marriage and still allow yourself to enjoy life when possible. We made a point to still take a few trips each year, to still date, to still celebrate our anniversaries and other holidays, and to enjoy the benefits of not having children…like sleeping in every weekend! Certainly there were tough times, but I think we both really appreciate that we didn’t lose touch of our friendship and I truly believe that there are few obstacles that can test a marriage like infertility.
Thanks so much Christina! We are ‘grateful’ for your honesty and ‘grace’. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!
If you want to follow Christina & her path into motherhood, don’t foget to check out The Subfertile Frugalista and follow her on Twitter at: @sf_frugalista!
Hi! I follow her already and she is truly amazing. I love the way you introduce other people’s blog, like an interview! Love it!