The Male P.O.V.

fertilitology.com

 So, I decided to give some insight into one male’s Point Of View of infertility and I am asking my husband some questions to answer as candidly as he can. Gotta love him! Thanks babe!

  I’ve broken it down into 3 categories. Today will be what it was like before treatments, tomorrow–during and Thursday–everything that came after. Since we mainly had male factor infertility–his opinion may of course be different from your hubby’s, but the feelings may also be similar in some respect. So, here we go–

   What were your initial thoughts on getting tested? Well, we didn’t wait that full year so I thought that we were being impatient because our friends were getting pregnant so fast. But I was open to being tested and thought it was unnecessary at the time. In the end, it was a good thing we did get tested otherwise we would have been just wasting time.

How did you feel when you first heard that there was a problem?I was totally surprised. First, I wondered about injuries or an occurrence of this in my family history and I tried to rationalize how it could even be possible. Then when the blood-work came back normal and the ultrasound didn’t show anything significant, they said there really was no explanation. At that point, I felt almost abandoned because the people I relied on for answers couldn’t give me any and none of my friends were going through it.

I researched information and was completely frustrated with the lack of  medical resources available. It was almost “hush-hush.” I never saw forums for it and there was no community support. I was devastated because I’ve always been pretty healthy all my life, was always athletic (with martial arts, sports) and my body always performed. I never gave it a second thought. And, we had a great sex life, so for the first time I felt like my body failed me and I couldn’t do anything about it. Most guys want to get their wife pregnant on their own so when you find out you can’t, your whole conceptualization of what it means to be a man is shattered.

After meeting with the RE for the first time, I remember you asking me if my head was spinning. What were your thoughts that summed up that meeting? I remember still being in shock like I couldn’t believe we actually had to go through it. I remember feeling discouraged that there wasn’t even one recommendation given toward addressing the fact that it was male factor. I thought maybe it was because it was too difficult a problem to address or maybe that there’s just more money in IVF which made me feel like a dollar $ign. It was totally brushed over and the idea of exploring and correcting the male factor IF was never acknowledged as an option.

What were your thoughts about IVF? At that point it was rocket science. It was an overwhelming amount of information thrown at us at one time. But the science of it didn’t scare me because we had books and information available to get us through.

What’s your best advice for other husbands out there who are about to go through some kind of treatment with their wives? Be involved as much as you can. Be informed.  Do what you can. Do the injections. Go with her to the appointments when you can. Be there for her through the highs and lows. Remember that you are an infertile couple, regardless of who’s factor it might be. If you’re not willing to be in the trenches and go through it with her, then you don’t deserve the joy that comes after. And remember that being a provider,  a role model, the head of the household, performance, and all the things that make you a “man” are determined by your actions, not by your fertility.

What’s your best advice for the women? It’s not an easy thing for a lot of guys to talk about so just because he’s not in your face, he may want to get involved but feel as though he doesn’t want to push or pry. Open up, don’t shut him out and be there as his outlet because he probably doesn’t have any.

O.K. That’s all for tonight. Come back tomorrow for more insights of going through a treatment from the male POV.

*If you have a question you want my hubby to answer, please feel free to ask.*

Thanks hon, I love you! You will always be my rock!