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Over the next few days, I’m going to explore all different kinds of support. Today, we are going to focus on family.
Whether you’ve opened up to your family regarding your infertility or you’ve kept it mostly secret, one thing is for sure, they are probably wondering when you’ll be getting pregnant to add a grandchild, cousin, niece/nephew to the family.
Sometimes families can be insensitive. They may say hurtful things without thinking, probe deep into your “personal” tests, cycles, or appointments, or even ignore the pain you are going through because it makes them uncomfortable. But most likely, they don’t understand what you’re going through. The sad truth is, no one else ever really does unless they are in the same boat.
When I was going through it, the one person I have been the closest to my entire life (my twin sister) didn’t have any trouble getting pregnant. I tried to explain what was happening during the cycles and confide in how troubled I felt, but she couldn’t relate. It was especially hard when I was going through an early miscarriage from a fresh IVF cycle for my 2nd baby and she was announcing her 2nd pregnancy (which was just as easy as her first). I was devastated and felt like I had no one to turn to.
But, one of my cousins had some similar issues and feelings. She was the one person in my family that truly understood. And, we often laughed about our cycles and tests…and were also there for the disappointments as well.
All in all, some family members can be a huge support system even if they don’t really “get it.” My mom (who was born in the 20′s) was amazed at the technology out there for me and she listened attentively when I explained how IVF worked. She also had 2 miscarriages and empathized with me when my cycles didn’t work out. After my first failed cycle, she sent me flowers and waited until I was ready to open up about it. But during my 2nd cycle, she passed on. And, she has never met my beautiful miracles.
Whether you give every last detail or shy away from ever talking about it, you already know who the support strongholders are in your family. If you haven’t done so already, try to seek out the one or two people who will be impartial, not offer unsolicited advice and who will really listen. They don’t need to be the shoulders you cry on and the ones you laugh with or vent to about your frustrations. Divide and conquer if you need to in order to get the right support at the right times.
In the end, if you want your family to be a support system after your babies are born, use them as a support system before as well. You most likely need it more than you know. And, your family (from all walks of life, with all types of personalities) should be there for you no matter what.
